


What It Means To Be A Family

by 127ghouls



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Married Life, Miscarriage, Mpreg, READ NOTE, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26322043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/127ghouls/pseuds/127ghouls
Summary: 10 years into their marriage, Taeyong and Jaehyun are still hoping to receive that one good news they've been waiting for: Pregnancy.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 24
Kudos: 291
Collections: WorthAKingsRansom





	What It Means To Be A Family

**Author's Note:**

> > for TY0701__ on Twitter
> 
> * May contain miscarriage/medical inaccuracy.  
> * Ruby is mentioned in this story. 

They met during a college party.

Honestly, Taeyong hated parties especially those that were loud and senseless which typically happened after a grueling week of exams. He was the type to start studying for a new chapter right after the test to get a little ahead of the others because it was better that way. Procrastination was an alluring temptation. But for some reason he let his roommate talk him into getting a life as if he didn’t already have one (academics could be fun too, thank you very much) and helped him throw on his most socially acceptable clothes.

The clothes weren’t even that bad. True they were out of season but who cared? As long as he was covered in all the right places it should be fine. Perhaps the other college kids didn’t understand that because they _had_ to look at him funny every time he walked here and there to find the most comfortable spot where no was making out or smoking weed. As if it was a prerequisite in college to be an asshole – to be fair, they were doing a fairly good job at that. B plus.

Being there felt icky. He lost his roommate as soon as they arrived, there were no other food aside from soggy French fries partnered with the traditional mayonnaise-ketchup dip, and water was scarce. Alcohol could be found anywhere he looked, though.

Each corner of whoever’s house it was, was covered in variations of mess – drunk, dancing beauties who were definitely underage, some boys with red-rimmed eyes and flaring nostrils (was it a requirement to look two seconds away from being cuffed by a cop and shoved to the hood of a patrol car?) and like what was said earlier, a bunch of couple in various state of undress because hey, there were probably only two bedrooms so any surface was good enough as long as they couldn’t see what bacteria lay there, right?

Taeyong could only breathe thirty minutes later when he managed to squeeze into the throng of people and found a surprisingly vacant space in the backyard. With a handful of French fries and what little distilled water he found in the fridge, he took advantage of the tiny semblance of peace in that place. He could easily go back to the dorms but Taeyong worried about his roommate.

Maybe he should’ve worried about himself first, though. Because his little peace was later disturbed by some upperclassman insisting that he accept the suspicious-looking drink because _he looked like he needed one._ With all due respect to this person who clearly didn’t know what boundaries were, Taeyong didn’t need one. He had the lowest, most embarrassing alcohol tolerance in the world, and liquor was found to have no significance in his life.

 _No, thank you, I don’t drink, excuse me,_ Taeyong said repeatedly trying to walk past the man who must have thought they were about to play some kind of sport from how he kept blocking Taeyong’s way. It was irritating, to say the least. The guy was obviously drunk and out of his head. Perhaps knocking him out would be worth the risk of losing his scholarship? Taeyong considered it for a moment until somebody (thank goodness!) noticed his predicament and decided to step in, threw the drink away and knock the drunk guy out with a single headbutt.

That was sort of attractive of this second stranger, Taeyong inwardly admitted. Especially when said stranger offered to stay with him in case someone else wanted to harass him. It was unnecessary, alright, Taeyong could defend himself just fine but there was something about _his_ savior, the shy sparkling of his eyes and the little curve of his pretty mouth that made Taeyong agree to let him stay.

Seeing that the party didn’t seem to be ending anytime soon, and that Taeyong really needed to make sure he’d go home with his roommate, he initiated a conversation with this handsome boy next to him while they both gaze up the sea of stars. Within the chaos of that night, they made it a little tolerable with each other’s presence.

Taeyong learned that the handsome boy’s name was Jaehyun, freshman, and that he had two deep dimples on his cheeks that made him cuter when he smiled. They shared the squashed French fries in Taeyong’s hand and Jaehyun laughed out loud when he pointed out how disgusting it was.

 _What you don’t know won’t hurt you,_ he told Taeyong before finishing the salty food and drank from Taeyong’s cup of water. It would’ve been romantic if they had a straw to share. But wouldn’t it be too early to expect any kind of romance between them?

Well not so surprisingly, no. They didn’t chase for romance. Romance chased them. Jaehyun asked for Taeyong’s number that night and that was the beginning of it. They found themselves hanging out whenever and wherever, spending more time than they should without noticing how their hearts started beating in sync with each other’s name echoing in their minds. Confessing in the rain in the middle of the soccer field was every bit of the perfection love was portrayed in movies.

Jaehyun’s lips felt nice against his and Taeyong’s waist was so small in Jaehyun’s hands. If only they weren’t reprimanded for the public display of affection within university grounds, the new couple would be fine with getting it on among the grasses.

Jaehyun was made for Taeyong and Taeyong was made for Jaehyun, and they let the world know of it when they got married a few years later after graduating and they both had a stable job to support themselves. Marrying at 27 and 25 was the pure definition of honeymoon period. 

But married life was not always smooth sailing. There were times they argued over things married couple would normally argue about. They were not perfect. But what was admirable about them was they never let the other go to bed mad. No matter who was to blame, no matter how upset they were, nobody would sleep with a heavy heart. They would always settle the problem as quick as they could, communicating to understand and not just to listen, because wasn’t that what marriage really meant? To be each other’s half, to be each other’s piece, and the two of them together were a whole that wouldn’t function properly when a part of them wasn’t working.

Problems would always be there. And the bands on their fingers were proofs that they could brave whatever storm that was to come as long as they have each other.

The biggest challenge yet was when 5 years into marriage and they still had no children. Taeyong was a carrier, he had always known that. No matter how much they made love, years passed by without the good news of a growing life in his stomach. 5 years wasn’t that long anyway, but they worried they’d be too old to take care of an infant when it happens. It didn’t help as well when Taeyong’s sister broke the news of her pregnancy. Nevertheless, he was happy for her and was still excited to meet his nephew soon.

Jaehyun promised him they’d be parents too, one day, and that blessings come to those who wait. They just need to wait. It would come to them in the most perfect time.

But how would the death of his sister from childbirth be called a perfect time? She had no husband (the bastard left as soon as she got pregnant) and the baby needed parents, so Jaehyun and Taeyong volunteered to adopt the little angel.

Taeyong was devasted as he was overjoyed. He lost a sister but he gained a son. He mourned while he sang lullabies for Minhyung. Everyday that passed he prayed to renew his promise to her of taking care of him and loving him like he was his. And yes, Minhyung was his. The boy would grow up calling him and Jaehyun his fathers. He would never be seen as the orphaned child because he had living parents.

Minhyung was Taeyong and Jaehyun’s. He was their son, and no one could tell them otherwise. His sweet laughter and pitiful sobs made the husbands forget how hard it was for Taeyong to conceive.

Talks about seeing a doctor for checkup dwindled eventually and honestly, regardless of how many more years Taeyong didn’t get pregnant, he would never see a doctor. He was afraid to know what might be the real problem. Ignorance _is_ bliss. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

Plus, they already had Minhyung. Jaehyun and Taeyong would focus on their newborn son. Losing sleep when Minhyung cried in the middle of the night was not easy, likewise when it was time to change nappies, watching over his diet and going for well-baby checkups. Suddenly, after 5 years with lack of childish giggles and loud wails of hunger, they became full-time parents to one healthy baby boy. This was enough.

Minhyung was enough.

:۞:••:۞:••:۞:••:۞:••:۞:

And it’s still the same way 5 years later.

Even as their respective jobs become demanding during the weekdays, eating up all of their time during the day, their son will still get both of their unadulterated attention when the night comes. With Taeyong being a professor at their alma mater and Jaehyun an HR Officer at a company, Minhyung is taken care of by a trusted nanny who makes sure he eats and bathes on time before being dropped off at the preschool and picked up 5 hours later. The kind lady in her late 50s had been Taeyong and his late sister’s nanny as well when they were younger, hence the easy to decision to leave Minhyung in her hands.

She stays with the boy until one of his parents arrive. Usually, Taeyong would be the first one to get off work. He will never be a workaholic. Minhyung is more important than the papers he’s grading and whatever gossip is going around the faculty room. He will never prioritize work over his son.

Together, they will wait for Jaehyun to arrive so they can all play ‘til bedtime. Taeyong and Minhyung always eat first since they are strict about the boy’s eating habits. By the time Jaehyun is home and is done with dinner, it’s always followed either by a marathon of child-friendly movies that they both know Minhyung would like (for some reason, they always end up watching Spiderman) or helping Minhyung with his simple homework that are oftentimes just drawing fruits or objects that start with each Alphabet.

Minhyung is a smart child, they discovered one day when he manages to repeat a line he heard during a commercial. His teacher has been praising the boy over his ability to pick up lessons faster than his peers. When the parents heard that, Jaehyun pulls out a series of amused chuckles from both Minhyung’s teacher and Taeyong with the sight of his teary eyes. Oh, how proud of a father he is! Minhyung is so smart, always asking them to read him a bedtime story because he said he _wants to imagine different worlds where animals and plants can talk and slide down rainbows, maybe I could meet fairies one day?_

Despite that, they never force the boy to study hard. He’s just 5 and although he can already read well and do simple math at his age, they don’t want him to read books and hold pencil all the time. His childhood should be spent well doing what kids normally do – play, watch TV, etc. Because of that, Jaehyun and Taeyong always make sure to bring him to the mall, a park, aquarium, wherever they could have fun as a family over the weekends. Sometimes they meet their parents for lunch or dinner.

Everyone is head over heels for sweet, little Minhyung. He’s such an active child! Running here and there, chatting up adults about whatnot, building blocks with his grandparents. Talent has been bestowed on him too, it seems, as Minhyung loves singing and dancing. Watching him entertain the oldies always gladdens his parents’ hearts, and Taeyong does not forget to tell his sister above that _he’s growing up so well, you would’ve been so happy. We’ll always be happy for you._

Domestic life means a balanced blend of exhaustion and overflowing happiness. Weekdays are for work and Minhyung and tending to each other’s needs as a couple when the boy is already deep in dreamland. Taeyong and Jaehyun never forget about themselves.

Each couple’s love language is different and theirs is physical, so it’s important to maintain the intimacy even after a decade of being together. Their eagerness doesn’t seem to deplete. Taeyong loves being embraced by Jaehyun, and Jaehyun loves making him feel good.

Weekends are for Minhyung and Minhyung alone. Their responsibilities as professionals are left behind on Friday afternoons. On Saturdays and Sundays when they have no plans to visit an attraction nor meet their parents, the household is just the perfect epitome of a healthy and functional family that gives important to bonding as a whole. Make Minhyung feel how tight they are because what the child sees and understands when he’s young, it’s going to play a huge part in his perspectives as an adult.

Their weekend routine is as follows: Jaehyun wakes up early to cook breakfast for them but not before showering Taeyong some good morning kisses and a soft forehead kiss for Minhyung. The duo will then meet him an hour later to fill their hungry stomachs and it is always a sight to see a tiny boy struggle to keep his eyes open while shoveling food in his mouth. Mostly, grains of rice stick to his chubby cheeks than slide in his little mouth.

After breakfast, they watch cartoons until it’s time for Minhyung’s bath. Taeyong is tasked to give him a bubble bath with rubber duckies in the tub. Bath shouldn’t last longer than 20 minutes but the father and son just can’t keep themselves from splashing water at each other. It has long stopped surprising Jaehyun when he sees his husband drenched from head to toe carrying a giggling Minhyung wrapped in his Spiderman towel.

While the boy plays by himself with the Toy of the Day (Legos, Blocks, Trucks and Figures), the husbands help each other tick chores off their list. Vacuum, laundry, whatever needs to be done, they do it together. Grocery shopping includes a 5-year-old boy sitting in the pushcart with his bag of gummy bears.

Taeyong is wiser when it comes to budgeting so Jaehyun lets him make the list of things to buy and his job is to get the right item or else he will not receive a ‘punishment’. Said ‘punishment’ is not really unpleasant – he enjoys feeling Taeyong’s lips on his skin, so more often than not he deliberately makes mistakes with getting the cans of Minhyung’s formula milk or what brand of sugar he should get. Ha! What a man would do for his husband’s love, really. Even if it’s to purposely make himself look stupid.

This kind of everyday is something they really didn’t see clearly when they were still dating. If they were to be honest, they initially thought maintaining a good family relationship would be difficult, that their attention would be so unfairly divided. Work, kids, and tending to the husband? Isn’t that kind of grueling? Voila, they keep outdoing themselves because they know what to prioritize.

And it’s always their family. It’s always Minhyung. Married life is okay, but it gets better when their lives revolve around Minhyung.

At 8pm on a Tuesday night after a sumptuous dinner, Minhyung leaves their game of Jenga to scurry towards his bedroom to fetch his backpack. He plops on the floor and pulls out a creased paper, handing it to Jaehyun. “Dada, teacher gave everyone a letter but some words are so hard to read so I don’t know what it said…”

Taeyong stops munching on the pack of sour gummies he’s been eating since earlier and pulls his son onto his lap, hugging his fat tummy from behind as Jaehyun reads over the paper’s content. “What does it say? It’s not about you being a bad boy at school, is it?” He asks playfully with a gentle poke on the boy’s cheek.

“Noooo,” Minhyung scrunches his nose. “I am behaved!”

“Are you?” Jaehyun squints over the paper and slowly folds it as the boy starts pouting, before ruffling the child’s fluffy hair. He announces happily, “They’re going to hold a talent competition and Minhyung was selected to be their class’ representative.” A proud smile breaks out on his face before Jaehyun plants a wet kiss on the boy’s cheek. “You’re so smart. Bet you got it from me.”

That definitely pulls a reaction out of Taeyong. “Excuse me? He got it from _me._ Remember, I used to _beg_ you to take your classes seriously because you were planning to flunk 4 out of 9 subjects? For what? Because you said grades don’t define a person.” He scoffs and lets Minhyung crawl out of his lap to pull a block from the tower. “I would’ve broken up with you.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen. “Seriously?!” He covers his mouth with a hand when Minhyung whines from accidentally knocking off the tower, shocked by his loudness. “Sorry baby. Anyway…for real? You really would break my heart without a second thought just because I didn’t excel academically? You wound me.” Dramatically, he slumps on the couch fake-sobbing. Minhyung comes to his father’s rescue asking what’s wrong while rubbing Jaehyun’s back comfortingly with his tiny hand. “Minhyungie, your papa is so rude. He said he wouldn’t love Dada if Dada wasn’t smart like you!”

At his outburst, Minhyung’s lip starts quivering as he eyes his Papa Taeyong. “That true, Papa? Dada wouldn’t live with us if he wasn’t smart like me…?? His big eyes are twinkling with unshed tears and boy, does the sight break Taeyong’s heart. God, he will never wish to see a sad Minhyung ever again. What the hell is Jaehyun doing?

Guilt-ridden, Taeyong gathers his poor son who finally bursts into tears while clinging onto him and wailing about not wanting to part with his Dada. “Baby, no, that’s not true. Even if Dada isn’t smart like you, Papa will always love him. Papa was kidding, okay? But it wasn’t a funny joke, right?” He wipes the little boy’s fat tears with his hands, sending death glares at an unapologetic Jaehyun. “No more crying, baby. Papa and Dada will be together forever.”

“Really? Dada won’t leave?” Hiccups hinder Minhyung’s words, his fists rubbing on his red-rimmed eyes. “Please kiss Dada if you love him…”

The boy’s request makes the husbands giggle at his cuteness. Sending a meaningful wink at Jaehyun, Taeyong cups his son’s face. “Will you forgive me for making a bad joke if I kiss Dada?”

“Yes!”

“Okay,” Taeyong stifles a chuckle as he sits Minhyung on the floor before bracing himself on his fours to kiss a happy Jaehyun once on the lips. “Is that enough?”

“Are you asking Minhyung or me?”

If Minhyung wasn’t there, the husbands would probably already be lying on the floor naked already. But the boy is still watching them, big eyes filled with sadness no more.

Mouth quirking into a smirk, Taeyong leans in closer so only Jaehyun would hear what indecency leaves his mouth. Must protect their son’s innocence, you know. “You’ll get so much more than that later.”

Jaehyun vibrates with want only visible to his husband, his hands quickly finding their way on Taeyong’s waist. “Promise? I miss it, Yong. When was the last time we had each other?”

Raucous laughter tears out of Taeyong even before he could stop it, and shakes his body for a moment as he heaves on the floor while a confused Minhyung owlishly blinks at both of his fathers. “Are you crazy? We just,” – a choked cough and a pound on the chest – “We do it every other night!”

“But I want–”

“What do Papa and Dada do?” The husbands snap their heads at a curious Minhyung fidgeting with the drawstrings of his cotton shorts. “Do you play games? Can Minhyungie join?”

It’s Jaehyun’s turn to guffaw as a panic-stricken Taeyong frantically scoops their son. Oh Lord, forgive them for almost ruining this angel’s innocence.

“Baby! T-the games Papa and Dada play are for big boys. You can’t play those games just yet.” The urge to scream his head off grows stronger each second Jaehyun does nothing to help Taeyong fix the mess (not really) he caused. “When you’re old enough, we’ll tell you about it.”

And yes, sex education should come from the parents first before anyone. Children should not be kept in the dark about topics like this because the more they are refused the understanding of what such activity entails, the more they will get curious and try it without proper guidance _and_ much needed safety. Kids as young as 12 or 13 are already fueled by hormones and since the society instilled in everyone that the topic of sex is more vicious than any other issues, they get too embarrassed to ask and put themselves at risk from unsafe intercourse. True, they shouldn’t even be doing it at that age but nobody can stop them once they get curious. Sex education should be a prerequisite in high school, no?

Though, why is Taeyong already worrying about that? Minhyung is just 5 years old! And he doesn’t want his baby to grow up so fast! How old would he already be when his son turns 13, 45? Taeyong wants to cry.

Minhyung seems to be contented with that and his attention easily diverts back to the school competition. Bless this child. His fathers can already breathe in relief. “What should Minhyungie do? I want to win…”

“You like singing and dancing, don’t you?”

The boy reluctantly nods, his lips pursed in thought. “But everyone can do that already, Dada.”

Jaehyun starts putting the Jenga blocks in the box, as it seems like they’re not going to continue the game anymore. “Minhyung is good at so many things, though.” He says as Minhyung grabs Taeyong’s hands and puts them on his head to ask for a massage. He loves it when either of his dads gently drum their fingers on his scalp. It’s probably therapeutic – but what would be stressing this boy for him to need therapy, really? “One of your many talents is memorizing. Oh, that one then! We can help him write an original piece, right? Yong, you’re good at poetry. I can help Minhyung with some actions.”

“Poetry?”

“Yes, baby.” A rush of excitement spurs Jaehyun into looking for a notebook and a pen to give an equally excited Taeyong. “It’s like a story but written in stanzas. Stanzas are little group of lines that make up a poem. They don’t really need to rhyme or sound the same all the time. But trust Papa,” Jaehyun sits with the boy next to Taeyong who’s already trying to come up with a subject, tapping the pen on his chin. “He is really good at it!”

Taeyong smiles at his husband lovingly, combing Jaehyun’s soft hair with his fingers. “You put me on a pedestal, baby.”

“Just being honest. I read your works before on the university magazine and I genuinely liked them.” Nudging his elbow gently on the other’s side as Minhyung clings on his arm, Jaehyun showers his husband with compliments he rightfully earned. “Thinking about that now, that’s probably one of the plenty reasons why I fell in love with you. You have this way around words. As though you breathe life into them and they strike me in a way I wouldn’t have understood if they were written by somebody else.”

Being married for 10 years is not an excuse to stop making each other feel loved in more ways than physical. Jaehyun never gets complacent. He never assumes that Taeyong knows how much he is loved. Although his husband is definitely aware, not a day goes by without Jaehyun appreciating all that is Lee Taeyong. His cooking, his effort in making sure Minhyung does all his homework, his dedication to both his job and his family. Everything Taeyong does, Jaehyun shows them the appreciation they deserve.

A simple I love you would suffice, but Taeyong is so, so wonderful he deserves to have more.

Mutualism is their second love language. Giving and receiving. Taeyong also does his best to let Jaehyun know he is loved. Equality. Their love is equal. Their roles are equal. Nobody is more than the other. Nobody is less than the other. Both of them play the same roles and perform the same responsibilities in the family. Except for budgeting, because Jaehyun sucks at it. Before they entered the married life, they sat down to discuss this. Put in their heads that no one should be ordered to do this and that because the society have moved past expecting someone to suit this kind of task just based on personality or gender. That’s stupid. If they want to last long, they need to work together.

Like at the moment as they help Minhyung with his poetry for the school competition. Taeyong is to write the poem and Jaehyun will come up with actions that will match the story Minhyung will tell. Both of them are working. Give Jaehyun the time to relax for now as Taeyong writes, and then the latter will be able to take a break after when Jaehyun has to do his part.

Love comes in all forms and this is just one of the many ways they show it. As a couple and as a family.

Thirty minutes and ten pieces of sour gummies later, Taeyong yells triumphantly. He’s got three stanzas down. “What do you think?” He says as he shows it to Jaehyun. “Is it too short? I will still polish this. How many stanzas would Minhyung be able to memorize?”

“He will have it down in no time. Let’s try 6? Can you memorize 6 stanzas, baby?”

Minhyung stops sucking on his thumb before wiping it down his shirt. “That long…? My brain can’t remember, Papa! This is for big people!”

“Let’s see first if you can do it, okay? The competition is still far away. That must be why your teacher already gave the letter to you. So you will have a lot of time to prepare.” Taeyong eyes the two. “Don’t you want to impress your classmates, baby?”

Imagining his classmates clap for him encourages Minhyung. He wants to win! He wants to impress Papa and Dada!

The boy nods firmly and the sight of his furrowed brows amuses his fathers.

“Okay. I will continue writing tomorrow because it’s getting late and it’s time for bed.” Closing the notebook, Taeyong picks up his sour gummies and resumes eating them as he washes Minhyung’s face and brushes his teeth.

Tonight, it’s Jaehyun’s turn to read him a bedtime story. He chooses a book from a shelf situated next to the bed and begins reading as soon as Minhyung is tucked in, blanket pulled up his shoulders.

“Should we read about the Kentucky Fried Children?”

“That’s the spooky story, right?”

“Mm, are you scared of it?”

Taeyong chews on his sour gummies as the father and son talk. “We can choose something else, then.”

“Nope! Minhyung is not scared! Not at all…”

That’s another admirable trait of their son. He’s not easily spooked by the thought of monsters and ghosts, and even asks if they are real. If anything, Taeyong is the one that is easily frightened by such stories.

Jaehyun then starts reading. It’s a very short story but he makes it worthwhile with the inflection of his voice, amazing both his son and husband. He can be a voice actor, actually.

As the quite frankly savage story goes on, Minhyung starts to feel the telltale signs of sleep. He rubs his eyes and yawns, and by the time Jaehyun is done retelling how the nearly 7-foot-tall hen served kids at her fast food ‘chicken’ shop, Minhyung is already sliding deeper under his blanket.

“Well, the hen was indeed ludicrously smart. But it’s not right to cook kids, Minhyung. Who even wrote this…” Jaehyun mumbles to himself as he returns the book and bends down to kiss his son’s forehead. “Good night, baby. Sleep tight.”

“Good night, Minhyung.” Taeyong whispers as well before smooching the top of Minhyung’s head.

They close the door behind them softly. At exactly 6:30 tomorrow, Minhyung’s nanny will return to help prepare the boy’s food before the husbands leave for work. Waking up at 6 should be illegal but their work hours prevent them from enjoying the comfort of their bed a little more.

And since it would be a pain to lose sleep if they didn’t get it on already, the husbands scurry into their own room to finally (finally!) have some fun with each other.

Taeyong finishes his sour gummies and places the empty bag on the nightstand as Jaehyun gives him a _come hither_ look in bed.

“Why are you even eating those? I had one earlier and it’s sour as hell,” Jaehyun says and wastes no time in circling his arms around Taeyong when the latter slides under the sheets, pressing kisses on the beautiful man’s lips. “Bet the taste is still on your tongue, baby. Let me suck on it?”

Letting out a soft moan, Taeyong sticks out his tongue for his husband to lap, hands impatiently tugging off Jaehyun’s shirt. “Dunno,” he answers when Jaehyun’s mouth begins to descend on his neck. “Just like sour foods nowadays.”

Actually, Taeyong is confused as well. He doesn’t normally eat sour foods although they’re okay, but not to this extent where he finishes a whole bag of it in one sitting. Like a switched turned on in him and suddenly sour is as good as sweet if not better.

Ah, it doesn’t matter. He shouldn’t think of such trivial matters when there’s a gloriously naked Jeong Jaehyun between his legs, mapping his torso with ticklish kisses and licks. When did Jaehyun take off Taeyong’s shirt? Even after so many years of being together and countless nights of intimacy, Jaehyun’s kisses still feel so hot on Taeyong’s skin that they manage to take his mind off of the rest of the world.

Regardless of how many times they’ve already done this, they never forgo foreplay. Foreplay is just as wonderful as penetration or any other forms of sex. It builds up the tension and sets their bodies on fire, leaves them breathless and aching for more. At 35, Jaehyun’s libido only seems to get more active. He’s not even that old anyway. They could go at it for two rounds on a weekend. Only once on weekdays because they have work and sometimes, Minhyung refuses to go to bed on time.

Taeyong arches his back when he feels the familiar press of a slick tongue on his entrance. “God, _please…_ ” He doesn’t even know what exactly he’s begging for but considering he’s been begging since they got together, Jaehyun knows what he wants like the back of his hand. And by ‘what he wants’ he means everything Jaehyun can offer.

Gripping the sheets as Jaehyun hungrily eats his ass, Taeyong doesn’t bother to keep the sound of his moans at bay. He lets Jaehyun know how good he is at what he’s doing, how good _he_ feels, how he wants so much more, give it to him.

And Jaehyun is nothing but a slave to his husband’s desires. His tongue stiffens as it carefully prods the fluttering bud before him and easily pushes inside thanks to the godly work of his fingers beforehand. Taeyong tastes so fucking good he can’t help but moan as he tongue-fucks the older while stroking Taeyong’s pulsating dick at the same time.

Jaehyun does this for a while, alternating between licking around and into Taeyong’s ass and sucking his husband’s cock until the latter is shuddering from the onslaught of pleasure. Three fingers take over his tongue as he pulls away and hovers above his husband, the lower half of his face damp with his own spit. “Good, love? How do you like it?” He asks just as he punches his fingers against that bundle of nerves relentlessly, making Taeyong thrash under him. Holy shit, Taeyong is so fucking beautiful like this, possessed with carnal want. “Like this?”

“Ngh –! Yes, yes, please…” Taeyong’s hips roll to meet Jaehyun’s fingers, dilated pupils gazing up his husband’s equally blown ones. His mouth hangs open as Jaehyun continuously assaults his prostate while thumbing the leaking head of his cock. One glance down at the other’s stiff cock tells Taeyong how much this is affecting Jaehyun as well. With a lewd lick of his lips, Taeyong whimpers. “Let me suck you off, hm? Wrap my pretty lips around your thick cock, Jae?” His husband growls and Taeyong smirks. “You like – ah fuck, fuck me like that – you like that, right?”

Dirty talking is one of Jaehyun’s weaknesses. The imagery shoots up his head and heightens his senses, the flames licking over their bodies. “Of course, Yong. But you already gave me head last night. Let tonight be all about you, alright? Let me make this all about you.”

Their mouths clash in a fervent kiss. It is all teeth and tongue, so unbridled as if they were newly-wed. Guess their desire for each other will never die down and will only grow hotter, more intense and mind-blowing as the years go by.

Taeyong grasps Jaehyun’s biceps as the latter aligns his cock to Taeyong’s greedy hole. Not once did he look away every time its thickness splits him in half so deliciously. His thighs spread even wider as his head rolls back when Jaehyun pushes in and slides home, drawing out a deep, long moan out of him.

Jaehyun pauses to let that tight, hot ass adjust to his size. Not to be arrogant, but he’s very well-endowed and Taeyong goes mad for it every time. Taeyong screams, Taeyong cries, Taeyong begs.

A hand cups the back of his neck to pull him down for a kiss. Taeyong dexterously plays with Jaehyun’s nipples – tweaking, pinching, pulling – and kneads his ass as he begins a slow pace. Breaking the kiss, they pant and stare into each other while obscenities flow out of Taeyong’s mouth without care, growing louder and lewder as Jaehyun picks up his pace and starts fucking Taeyong like he means it.

Sounds of skins slapping accompany their grunts and whimpers to make a whole body of sexual music. Taeyong throws his head back with a scream muffled by Jaehyun’s hand as the latter leaves a crescent teeth mark on his collarbone where it can be easily hidden. As much as Jaehyun wants to paint his husband with more of it, Taeyong is a highly respected professor and sporting love marks in front of a bunch of students might get him in trouble. So he contents himself with kisses and licks, some light suckles while drilling non-stop into his husband’s pliant body.

“Ooh, baby, that feels so good,” Taeyong moans out, mind clouded with lust. “God you’re so big, so thick… Fuck me Jae, please. Harder.”

Jaehyun curses under his breath and braces himself on both hands as his hips piston into Taeyong deeper, faster. Louder moans spew out of his debauched husband and for a second, Jaehyun worries about waking their son. But he’s too horny to care. Taeyong’s ass feels like a serpent’s call and Jaehyun is an easily tempted man. He gives in to the temptation by sitting on his heels and gathering Taeyong’s legs, pressing them close as he shoves them to his left, twisting the lower half of Taeyong’s body to the side. His husband’s flexibility spices up their sex life, to be honest.

Pleasure ripples through Taeyong at being fucked in a new angle. Pulling at the sheets, he props himself up on his elbows to watch how fast Jaehyun’s cock slides in and out of his hole. Squelching noises reach his ears. “More, baby. Fill me with your cum…”

“Fuck,” Jaehyun wraps his arm around Taeyong’s legs and drags him down before bending over a little bit with one hand on the headboard to support him. “You look so pretty like this, Yong, untouched cock weeping. Makes me want to fuck you all night.” He can’t do that but it’s not bad to wish, especially when having sex with Taeyong always feels _this_ fantastic.

Closing his eyes, Taeyong imagines himself being manhandled into different positions. His finger splay over his belly to feel the jab of Jaehyun’s cock.

Tears spring to his eyes as heat coils in his gut. Taeyong continues to cry out when the pleasure takes him too high and finally drops him with blinding orgasm, ribbons of his cum soiling his skin. “Ah, ah – Jaehyun, please, come for me…”

Three more thrusts and Jaehyun shudders through a sudden orgasm. Those soft, dangerous whines of his husband have that kind of effect on him. Years of self-control cannot fight against Taeyong’s teary eyes and pleas.

Jaehyun’s hips thrust erratically until the last drop. After a minute, he pulls out of Taeyong and tugs his husband into a sensual lip-lock.

“Would love to make out longer but aftercare, baby. Wait for me.” Reluctantly pulling away, Jaehyun wipes his cock with his shirt before putting his boxers on. He disappears shortly to fetch a soaked towel in the bathroom and immediately returns to a rapidly falling asleep Taeyong.

With gentleness that is a far cry from his ruthless thrusts earlier, Jaehyun wipes the mess on Taeyong’s torso before scooping the cum out of his ass and cleaning it as well. “Sleepy?”

Taeyong’s body still buzzes with bliss but he’s so, so sleepy. He’s always been the sleepy partner after sex but it has worsened nowadays. Even at work, he is easily fatigued. Signs of ageing? Most likely. “Mm… Cuddle me quickly…”

Jaehyun sprints to discard the soiled towel and quickly climbs their bed. Thankfully, their sheets are spotless. He helps Taeyong into his boxers before embracing him, pressing a kiss to crown of his head. It’s still relatively early for them so Jaehyun remains awake to listen to his husband’s stable breathing. He wishes that only good dreams visit Taeyong for tonight.

As he lies awake, he thinks of _that_ old dream. To hear the news that Taeyong is pregnant. Honestly, Jaehyun never stopped dreaming. He never forgot about it. Even after 10 years of elusive blessing, he still wants it, still envisions Taeyong with a bloated stomach carrying life inside him. Jaehyun always dreams and imagines how it would feel to look at those two red lines on a pregnancy test kit or to be congratulated by the doctor.

He loves Minhyung. He loves Minhyung (and Taeyong) more than anything. But he never saw Taeyong carry their son for 9 months, he never experienced how difficult and fulfilling it is to care for a pregnant spouse. And God, how much he wants to.

Would it be so bad to ask for another child? Minhyung is already 5 years old. Surely they can still afford another one, right? Yes it’s expensive as hell and they will have to work double time because Minhyung is already schooling and the cost of living isn’t exactly cheap and despite their professions, the salary isn’t really all that. But if such blessing comes, they will make sure to prepare for it financially.

Hopefully if he wishes for it hard enough, that dream would come true. It would be nice to have a bigger family and for Minhyung to have a sibling.

Unbeknownst to him, Taeyong currently dreams of chasing giggling children around the house. Even though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, he understands they’re both his. The older one is Minhyung. He’s older in Taeyong’s dream, probably 11 or 12, while the other is a little girl whose age he’s not sure of. She’s small, though. They both shriek as Taeyong catches them, screaming Papa on top of their lungs and then Jaehyun comes out of the kitchen carrying a plate of something Taeyong cannot see clearly. The only ones clear in his head are the faces of his beloveds.

It’s all brimming joy until the little girl in his arms begin to fade as she cries for her Dada and Papa, but none of them can touch her.

Taeyong is then reminded that that child is not real, and will probably never come to life. He is contented with Minhyung but he knew, deep inside his heart, he yearns to feel how life inside him grows, the painful kicks of an active infant, and to listen to their cries as soon as they are born. To hold them in a first skin to skin contact, to feel their heartbeats in sync.

How cruel life is to bless his sister with a child and steal her away from him instantly, and to deny him of one when he’s still alive and breathing.

Minhyung makes it all better, though. He’s theirs no matter what. Taeyong will sacrifice a lot just for Minhyung’s sake.

Jaehyun startles when he hears a sob. He looks at the man sleeping on his chest and worries when he sees a tear roll down Taeyong’s face even though he seems to be asleep. Gently, he wipes the tears away and rocks Taeyong in a soothing sway, humming softly until Taeyong is no more wracked with whatever bad dream he’s having.

His Friday schedule is packed and officially the busiest day of the week with back-to-back classes filling out his time table, only leaving 1-2pm vacant for lunch. Taeyong always ensures everything is prepared the night before because there is literally not even a minute in between classes for him to breathe and he is not the type of professor to cut class hours just to allow his students more time for leisure. The students have more freedom in choosing convenient schedules than the faculty, so they will not get any 15-minute break out of him. Taeyong is strict and they all know it. A three-hour lecture will stretch out for three hours. No more, no less.

Lectures are the most boring to do especially if the topic doesn’t interest students very much. But what can he do? Not everything about Child Psychology is fun, but he has to push through with Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development theory for today before dropping an activity that will certainly evoke protests from this lazy bunch of young adults. They’re generally nice and sweet, and cooperative most of the time but today doesn’t seem like one of those days.

“The third stage in his theory is Initiative versus Guilt. Children ages 3-5 are expected to start being more assertive through initiating games or other kinds of social interaction. Kids become livelier, more active, demanding, and if the parents don’t know better, they may interpret this as aggression.” Taeyong changes the slide to show images of children engaging in different fun activities, and takes a sip of his ice-cold coffee. The sleepiness coming off of his students seem to be contagious. “Most of what children do at this age is play, which lets them explore their interpersonal skills through initiating activities. Plan, make up games with other kids. They develop a sense of initiative in their ability to lead and decide.”

“But as I’ve said earlier, if this active tendency is seen negatively by parents and they are reprimanded either by criticism or control, these children will develop a sense of guilt. Why? Children will frequently overstep their boundaries and the danger is that parents will tend to punish and restrict them. Kids at this stage will be overly curious and ask too many questions, and then their parents will treat is as either trivial or embarrassing. The outcome? Children are going to be guilty because they will think they are being a nuisance for simply wanting to learn. Too much guilt can slow down children’s creativity and willingness to interact with others. But bear in mind that some guilt is necessary, of course, to teach them self-control and have conscience. It’s important to have a healthy balance of initiative and guilt because success at this stage will lead to the virtue of purpose.”

A hand shoots out from his audience and Taeyong lets a female student speak.

“Mr. Lee, with all due respect, you have a son, don’t you?”

Everyone in the university (faculty and students he has handled ever since) is aware that he is married and has a child. Hence, it is not a surprise to occasionally be asked about his family if the topic relates to him. Taeyong supposes students get interested when theories are supported by a reliable source’s experiences.

Taeyong pauses from discussing. “Yes, I believe I talked about him on the first day of classes and three hours went by with all of you just pushing me to talk about my personal life so I wouldn’t go over the scope of sequence of Child Psychology.” He smiles playfully at everyone. “That won’t work now, Ms. Shin.”

The student visibly blushes in embarrassment. “No, I don’t mean that! I’m just curious whether or not this theory actually happens? Like what does your son usually do? And as a parent, how do you handle it when he gets very stubborn? You know, a lot of us will be parents too, someday.”

Well, if she puts it that way. There’s no harm in sharing some bits of his family relationship anyway.

“Life is simple, Ms. Shin. We shouldn’t make it complicated. Let the children act like children. Let them behave how they are meant to behave and trust me, you will know when it becomes harmful. Reflect on your everyday interactions. Is this okay or is it not? What he did earlier to his playmate, is it going to be harmful in the long run? Did I tell him no because he’s too much, or because I’m not a patient parent?”

Taeyong leans against the edge of the desk and crosses his arms. “Minhyung is active as hell, I’m telling you all. Sometimes it gets on my nerves, not gonna lie. I am a full-time professor. Work doesn’t stop when I leave university grounds – except for weekends as much as possible because that is solely for my family.”

“When he can’t realize he’s distracting me from lesson planning, I pause and tell him I have to work and he needs to be quiet, play by himself while waiting for Papa to finish because what Papa is doing is important. And he understands it. You know, what parents fail to grasp is being angry is not always necessary. Talk to them gently and refrain from giving punishment. Reward good behavior instead. You don’t want your kid behaving just because they are afraid of you. Teach them how to behave because they know they will be rewarded for doing something good. But hey, I scold him too when absolutely necessary. Can’t have him think it’s okay to spill water on his other father’s work shirt now, can I? Yeah, that happened.”

Sounds of agreement and understanding fill the room. Another student conspicuously speaks. “Did you explain to him why that’s not okay and rewarded him for cleaning up his mess?”

Taeyong smirks before pulling the laptop close. “That’s how he got addicted to choco pies. Now we have a little person volunteering to wipe the table after every meal.”

The class erupts into amused giggles. They haven’t seen a single picture of Minhyung yet but they know he’s one adorable kid.

“You seem to be a good dad, Mr. Lee.”

Ms. Shin says and Taeyong offers her a small smile before continuing the lecture.

It’s such a simple statement but it means everything to Taeyong. Occasionally, he is bothered by thoughts whether or not he’s rearing Minhyung properly. Thoughts of his son going astray when he gets older worries Taeyong just like any other parent who wishes to see their children become a role model in the future.

To know that strangers think he’s doing a good job makes his heart swell. Taeyong hopes he and Jaehyun are really setting a good example to Minhyung.

That class is his second for the day and by the time lunch rolls by, Taeyong feels like collapsing to the ground. Okay, that might be a little exaggerated but seriously, he’s been doing this since the semester began but he’s so drained. Only 6 hours went by and he’s ready to tap out.

After hoarding sour candies from the cafeteria for dessert and walking past indignant students wanting to get some of those horribly sour candies too, Taeyong goes back to the faculty room to join his co-teachers. He brings packed lunch to save money and they always ask for a share because _Taeyong and his husband are really good cooks, aren’t they?_

Sucks not to know how to cook and be forced to eat an overpriced cafeteria lunch that doesn’t even taste half as good as homecooked meals, right?

One of his co-teachers, Mrs. Jang, brought her 7-year-old daughter to work today. She’s a sweet girl who doesn’t forget to greet everyone and knows how to behave, only coloring at her mama’s desk.

Taeyong looks at the candies in his pocket. Should he give her some? He isn’t sure if she likes sour foods. Ugh – why is he suddenly obsessed with this flavor anyway?

“Mrs. Jang, does Miri like candies? I got a lot here.”

“My god, she does! Are those the little sour ovals in the cafeteria?”

Taeyong nods and beams when the woman allows him to give her daughter some. Heading over to where Miri is, Taeyong greets her and offers three candies which she happily receives.

After accepting her shy thanks, Taeyong goes back to his lunch and surprises himself when he manages to finish it in only 10 minutes. He must be _that_ hungry. There’s still over half an hour left before his next and last class starts so Taeyong excuses himself from the others to go back to his desk and review the lesson, maybe improve the questions for a long quiz.

While reading the reference book, he can’t help but listen in on the conversation of his co-teachers. He’s four desks away from the common table but Mrs. Jang’s excited ramblings about her daughter reaches him, still.

“When I was pregnant with Miri, it was tough. I was tormented by morning sickness and she was such a big baby so my stomach swelled as if I was carrying twins. Her kicks were one of the most painful things in the world. She made my feet look like an elephant’s, she made me waddle like a penguin. Not to mention the food she made me eat. They weren’t my favorites but I gobbled up them up willingly.”

“Did you stop eating those foods?”

“Ha, you bet. Pregnancy puts you in a whirlwind of hormones. One second you like this and the next, you don’t. My husband said he didn’t carry Miri but he felt like he was pregnant too during those 9 months.”

Taeyong listens to them while watching the little girl, imagining what she must be like as an infant and a toddler. Some babies are miraculously quiet but Minhyung was a loud speaker throughout his growth. Nevertheless, Taeyong won’t trade that struggle for the world.

He’s in the middle of reminiscing those days when one of his co-teachers makes a comment that unintentionally pierces Taeyong’s heart and completely ruins his mood.

“I’m afraid to say yes to my boyfriend’s proposal, Mrs. Jang. We both like kids but our relatives have a history of infertility. What if it was passed down to me? I would be devastated if I can’t conceive. Can you imagine that, dreaming of a family with your loved one and it turns out you’re incapable of it? Aren’t you gonna feel useless?”

“You cannot avoid that if that’s your fate. There’s a lot of alternatives anyway if you want a kid so bad. So many are abandoned by their parents and are waiting for a new family to adopt them. You can foster a child too if you’re not keen on adoption.”

“But it’s still different when the baby came from you, though. You have this deep, unbreakable connection with them. You know them by heart because they are literally your flesh and blood. In my opinion, it won’t feel right if I’m going to take care of a child that I didn’t carry.”

Mrs. Jang visibly frowns and puts her chopsticks down. “That connection you are talking about is created when you bond with them. If connections are inborn, then there wouldn’t be a lot of neglected children. _Aigoo,_ Ms. Gong. Reevaluate your plans of having children. With your views, I can imagine what you’d do if you don’t feel that instant connection once your child is born.”

Taeyong’s eyes leave Miri’s to stare at the text on the book. The words fly over his head and even though Taeyong has been teaching about this subject for years, he can’t seem to understand them. For some reason while Ms. Gong was talking, Miri stopped coloring and looked at him. Maybe she knows. Why not, everybody in this faculty room is aware that Taeyong’s son is actually his nephew. He’s not embarrassed to admit that part of him, but to protect his dignity, Taeyong didn’t tell them why he has no biological child even after 10 years of being married. It is not their business, but they are smart enough to figure out conclusions instead.

At least, they have the decency not to put their noses into somebody else’s problems.

His mind is wrapped around Ms. Gong’s fear. Taeyong hates to think about the possibility that there’s something wrong with him or Jaehyun but it’s a monster that always gnaws at the back of his head. Assuming won’t help but Taeyong doesn’t wish to see a doctor as well. It’s better not to know. After all, he has Minhyung to fill that incapability.

He understands that the young teacher is just worried but it doesn’t prevent Taeyong from taking offense both personally and in Minhyung’s stead. Being a parent isn’t limited to one’s capability to bear a child, and receiving love from parents shouldn’t be based on whether or not one is a biological child. One can be a parent without being pregnant, and all children have the right to belong in a loving family.

Sure, Taeyong still wishes to get pregnant, but it doesn’t mean he loves Minhyung less.

Knowing that there are people who actually think the way Ms. Gong does repulses Taeyong.

Sighing out his annoyance, Taeyong forces himself to continue reading, and to pretend that Miri’s gaze holds no meaning.

As if the gods heard the breaking of his heart and the wish to get away from Ms. Gong as soon as possible, they decide to make it up to Taeyong by cancelling afternoon classes for a university-wide mosquito fogging. Mosquito season peaks during summer and as despicable these insects are, they are currently a blessing in disguise to Taeyong who takes advantage of the class cancellation to tell Minhyung’s nanny to go home early because he will be the one to pick up his son for today.

When Minhyung sees him at the waiting lounge, the boy’s shrill scream resonates within the whole school premises. His little body barrels into Taeyong’s embrace and Minhyung bounces relentlessly in excitement, throwing out questions here and there as to why Taeyong is picking him up, what happened to nanny Park, and if Dada’s also there.

“Dada is still at work, baby. And nanny Park is okay. She’s in her own house because she needs to take a rest too. So it’s only gonna be you and I for a while.” Taeyong kisses his son’s cheeks and grins. Minhyung looks so adorable in his light blue uniform. “Let’s go to the mall? Eat your favorite chicken and burger and then play? What do you say?”

Minhyung vibrates as he holds his papa’s hand and walks out to head to the bus stop. Would’ve been easier if they have the car today but it’s Jaehyun’s turn to bring it. “Can we please buy stickers too?”

“What stickers?”

“Jeno has Superman stickers and I want Spiderman, papa. Is it okay? If it’s too many money, let’s not buy.”

They get there just in time for the next bus and Taeyong sits Minhyung by the window, telling him to hold on to the bar in front. “Expensive is the word, baby. It means you need to pay a lot of money to get it. But a sticker set is not expensive. I’ll get you two if we find it at the bookstore.”

Minhyung plants a wet smooch on his papa’s cheek and proceeds to watch the passing scenery, unaware of the ineffably fond look on Taeyong’s face.

The first thing they do is buy Minhyung’s sticker sets before going to the play place. The boy insists that he’s not yet hungry so Taeyong agrees to sign him up for an hour of playtime. There are at least ten more kids with him and while waiting, Taeyong contentedly watches his son have fun. He occasionally calls Minhyung to pose for pictures holding soft toys, and even films him while sliding down the pool of colorful balls. Taeyong sends them all to Jaehyun who, ever dramatic as he is, replies with tons of sad emojis, crying about how his husband and son neglected him.

Sure enough, Minhyung is starving once the hour is up. Taeyong teaches his son to tie his shoes properly by himself and once done, they head to the family’s favorite fast food chain. They order their usual – burger and spaghetti for Minhyung while Taeyong got himself a small bucket of crispy chicken pops.

Picking up the tray after their order is complete, Taeyong is suddenly hit with the fried food’s aroma yet he cannot understand why it seems to smell different than usual. When he and Minhyung settle at a vacant table, Taeyong’s sense of smell protests even more.

As he twirls his spaghetti, Minhyung notices the frown on his father’s face each time the latter sniffs the bucket of chicken pops. “Papa? What’s wrong?”

“Does this smell bad to you, baby?”

Minhyung leans in to bury his nose in the bucket, inhaling the mouth-watering aroma before stealing a chicken pop. “It smells like chicken! You don’t like it?”

“And you do?” Frowning in confusion even more, Taeyong watches his son happily eat the chicken pop and puts the bucket away with a sigh. Perhaps he’s finally grown out of his obsession with it or he’s simply not in the mood to have chicken today.

In the end, Taeyong orders some salad and internally rejoices as soon as he’s got a mouthful of it. They can just take the chicken pops home for Jaehyun since that man is a sucker for it too.

Minhyung finishes his spaghetti and washes it down with some sips of pineapple juice before unwrapping his kiddie burger, short legs swinging under the table. “Papa, are we going to practice again later?” 

“It’s a Friday night, baby. Friday nights mean break from school, right?”

“Yeah, but I can’t remember more than two lines yet… Dada will also teach me actions, right?”

The boy has a point. They don’t know how long before Minhyung memorizes all 6 stanzas. Plus, he has other homework too. Uh, why did they enroll him in a strict private school again? Shouldn’t 5-year-olds just focus on free play or drawing fruits? But even then, Minhyung can already do that and may even be accelerated to first grade next academic year.

Taeyong stabs three slices of cucumber and munches on it, gesturing for his son to wipe the spaghetti sauce on his chin with some tissue. “Let’s try to memorize one stanza tonight, then. We can’t practice tomorrow because we’re going to grandpa and grandma’s for dinner.”

“Really?!” Minhyung beams. He’s very fond of his grandparents, both from Taeyong’s and Jaehyun’s sides and always wishes to visit. What’s more, the husbands’ parents spoil him with his favorite food and love to surprise him with new clothes and toys. “Can I play with Ruby?”

Ruby is the pet dog that Taeyong’s parents adopted when his sister passed so they won’t feel too lonely in the big house. She’s nice and always curls up next to Minhyung.

After getting an approval from his papa, Minhyung starts wolfing down his burger. An amused Taeyong tells him to slow down and that Ruby won’t like it if he gets sick from eating too much. That manages to alarm the boy enough to chew his food properly.

Once done, the father and son duo go to the supermarket for a quick shopping of some food – bread, fruit, and snacks with Taeyong’s new favorite flavor – before heading home.

Jaehyun was supposed to go home early but his co-workers Johnny and Yuta successfully talked him into having some drinks first since it’s Friday and he’s not going to be available on the weekends. Hardly does he ever get home late when there’s no work but thankfully, Taeyong told him it’d be fine.

People say your partner has no say over you wanting to spend some time with friends once in a while and that’s probably agreeable to some extent, because some people tend to be controlling and even though Taeyong is not even an ounce of it, still, Jaehyun lets him know. He knew Taeyong would tell him he didn’t have to ask permission but Jaehyun did it anyway because they are husbands and he is respecting Taeyong by updating the other of his whereabouts even without being asked.

How To Keep A Healthy Relationship 101, Jaehyun nails it.

Currently, they are seated at a table in the nearest cozy pub to the company hidden away from the busy streets of Seoul. An indie band plays some nice, original music in the background.

Johnny vehemently shakes his head and slams down his glass, soju spilling out from the impact. “No – you’d think she would apologize for asking an inappropriate question but she was like, _oh, did that offend you? Well you said I could ask anything about the job and people get horny at the most random times. Sex is a basic need. I believe that as long as we’re doing it in the bathroom then there should be no problem,_ as if she was planning to include that in her calendar as an official schedule.”

Jaehyun doubles over in laughter with Yuta, only gasping enough oxygen to talk a minute later with tears brimming his eyes. “Did you ask why she resigned from her last job?”

“Her boss said to shut her goddamn legs for once.” The way Johnny deadpans makes the other two lose it again, their fists pounding on the table from failure to contain themselves. They are probably going to get kicked out from being too damn loud.

“What’s so fucking funny is that’s not even the first time a weird applicant scored an interview,” Yuta says in between cackles. “The previous one was a guy who asked if the company allowed smoking weed during breaktime because he was on marijuana self-medication. And,” – he snorts and wipes at his eyes – “and asked if Johnny was single–”

Confusedly, Jaehyun’s gaze shifts between a cackling Yuta and a too-tired-for-this-shit Johnny. “How come I wasn’t aware of these, though?”

“The girl happened when you were on leave and the department was buried under a pile of documents coming from a bunch of new hires that we had to record. The guy – when did that shit happen?”

Johnny shrugs and drinks straight from the soju bottle. “Forgot it. Some time ago. I don’t know where this guy was but he wasn’t at the office. For like two days.”

Two days? What was he doing – oh, that. Jaehyun scratches his head. “Must be 2 years ago, then. Remember, I was invited by the boss to this assembly?”

“The boring one you said with only the mango pie dessert as a saving grace? Glad we didn’t get dragged.”

Yuta smirks as he pours himself a drink and takes a swig. “Glad we didn’t. Heard that assembly was about improving work ethics.”

The other’s implication has Jaehyun playfully jostling him. “What are you trying to say, huh?”

“What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t tell Doyoung I’d be out drinking and I can feel my phone vibrating constantly in my pocket, and that’s definitely my pregnant husband threatening to chop off my dick if I don’t leave already. So, ciao.” Yuta says in a single breath before swatting Jaehyun’s hand and getting up, patting his back on the way out. “Your treat! See you guys on Monday!”

Jaehyun scoffs in disbelief. “Jesus – that’s a trick. I don’t believe him,” he says before taking a swig of alcohol.

“Man, you’ve met Doyoung but you haven’t met him yet while he’s pregnant. Before you joined the company, Doyoung tagged along to a party. I know it sounds insane but he flipped a whole ass table on his own while 6 months pregnant with their first kid because he thought Yuta wasn’t paying attention to him. See what hormones does? It was terrifying. Yuta had to deescalate the situation, mortified as fuck. I admit it was kinda funny, though. It became a running joke for a while in the office.”

Really? Kim Doyoung? Somehow, Jaehyun can’t imagine it. The guy was pretty chill when they met. “They’re getting a second baby, huh. What about you?” He eyes Johnny inquisitively. “When are you planning to settle down?”

In their small circle, only Johnny isn’t married yet, and doesn’t look like he’s going to be.

Johnny rolls his eyes. “Marriage isn’t for me. I just like dating but nah, settling down is complicated. I love my freedom. But I don’t know, I can’t see the future. Somebody might appear before me and change my mind.”

The atmosphere always turns a little more serious whenever Yuta is not around and such conversation is nothing new between the two.

Grinning teasingly, Jaehyun nudges the other with his foot. “Can’t see you as a father, really. You’re way too wild.”

“Exactly.” Their background song ends and a new one follows right away. “Hey, how are you and Taeyong? Great?”

“Mm. Nothing really new, we’re just helping Minhyung for a school competition.”

“That kid is going places. Bet he’ll show you how it’s done when he gets to college.” Johnny strains his voice to do the poorest imitation of Minhyung’s voice. “Hey _Dada, look at my GWA. Are you ashamed yet?”_ He gets a painless punch on the shoulder from a defensive Jaehyun, and quickly changes the topic. “No plans to give him a sibling?”

The sudden question catches Jaehyun off-guard, pulls his merry mood down at the slightest. Both Johnny and Yuta are aware of how Minhyung came into their lives, finding out about it from Jaehyun himself when one of them harmlessly pointed out how Minhyung resembles none of his fathers. “Even if we want to, I don’t think it’d be that easy. We’ve been trying for the past 10 years, Johnny. And Taeyong doesn’t really want to go for a checkup to see what can be done. He’s scared that maybe one of us or worse, both of us have a problem.”

Johnny watches his friend stare into space as he swirls his drink. “Well, like you said it’s already 10 years. Maybe give it a shot? Talk to him, give him options? Like say, surrogacy. I’m not a doctor so I don’t know the best option to go for.” And he has no right to casually discuss a very personal issue, even if he means well. “Just talk, you know. You understand each other best.”

 _Johnny’s right,_ Jaehyun thinks as he refills his glass. They’re not going to lose anything by talking, so he might as well try it.

Nobody is in the living room nor in the kitchen when he arrives at 9. Jaehyun leaves his bag on the couch and checks their room. Empty. Figuring that the duo is in Minhyung’s room, he goes to the kitchen first to get the bucket of chicken pops Taeyong left for him and goes to where his angels are, giving them both a kiss. “Hi, babies,” he greets as he sits with them on the small bed.

Taeyong has one arm around Minhyung, the other twisting the sour lollipop in his mouth. They’ve been reading the poem together to help Minhyung memorize it bit by bit. “Had fun with the guys?”

Jaehyun hums and watches the two work while eating chicken pops, thoughts of what Johnny said still linger in his mind. “Had fun at the mall?”

His question is obviously forced so Taeyong looks at him in slight amusement, noticing how his mind isn’t completely in the present. “You saw the evidence. Would’ve been more fun if you were there. Let’s go together next weekend.”

Jaehyun flashes a smile and leans over to give Taeyong a kiss on the lips. “Sure. How’s my baby Spiderman doing?”

“It’s hard…” Minhyung says as he puts the notebook down before pouting at him. “Dada, keep quiet. I can’t remember the words.”

“Oops,” Jaehyun pulls an imaginary zipper to seal his lips, turns to Taeyong to mouth _I have something to say later,_ before excusing himself to take a shower.

Jaehyun has just eaten the last of the chicken pops while watching tv in the living room when, freshly showered, when Taeyong joins him on the couch and instantly curls up on his side. “Are you done practicing?”

“He said he will try to do it alone.” Taeyong looks at the tv, not really realizing what show is on as he asks Jaehyun what the latter wants to talk about. For some reason it makes his nervous because it seems to be serious, judging from how Jaehyun acted earlier.

He was hoping to leave the show on to avoid a heavy atmosphere but his husband’s habit of turning it off during heart to heart conversations pushes him to do the same, since Taeyong isn’t really making it subtle. Jaehyun faces his husband and holds Taeyong’s hands. “Are you…are you still hoping to get pregnant?”

It takes Taeyong a few seconds to speak, clearly taken aback. “Why? I mean – of course. But as you can see–,” he stops to compose himself. “Why…?”

There really is no other way to make this easier, so Jaehyun doesn’t beat around the bush anymore. “Baby, don’t you think it’s high time we talk to a doctor?” He tightens his hold on Taeyong’s hands when they begin to tremble. “I know it’s scary. For you, even more, but being scared to know what’s wrong is keeping us from getting help and knowing what we can do to fix the problem…”

Problem? Taeyong doesn’t want to know what the problem is. He withdraws out of Jaehyun’s hold despite the other’s insistence and shakes his head as he faces forward and crosses his arms. Worry rolls off of him in waves. “I’m scared. What if I really can’t get pregnant?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, please? You’re getting scared because you’re overthinking.”

That totally came out wrong because Taeyong quickly bristles, his previous worry replaced by anger. “Why wouldn’t I overthink? It’s been 10 years, Jaehyun. Put yourself in my shoes, will you?”

A heavy sigh escapes Jaehyun. “Okay. Let’s say you can’t get pregnant. Then how about surrogacy?”

Again, that didn’t come out as he intends to.

Anger rises to Taeyong’s head. He can’t believe the ridiculousness that Jaehyun just uttered. “…You want someone else to carry our baby? No, wait. That’s not even gonna be _my_ baby because it’s gonna be yours and whoever carries it. And if I can get pregnant but you’re impotent? I don’t want someone else’s DNA in our child. What’s the use of getting help then? Jaehyun, are you thinking?”

The subtle insult irks Jaehyun and all of his patience leaves him at once. “Yes, I am thinking. I’ve been thinking since the first two years of our marriage went by and we still had no baby.”

Those words already left him and it’s too late to stop them from breaking Taeyong when the latter visibly sags, crestfallen gaze dropping low. No, no – he didn’t mean to put pressure on Taeyong, but he really has a knack for not watching his words when he gets irritated. However, it’s not an excuse to be an asshole when his husband is clearly distressed.

Jaehyun mentally beats himself as he hastily pulls Taeyong in an embrace, softly kissing the top of his head. “I’m sorry, Yong.” He says it again and again until the man relaxes in his arms. What Jaehyun hates the most is Taeyong getting hurt. Worse when he’s the cause of it. “I won’t ask you about it again…”

Typically, he’s not one to be easily affected when they argue. As much as possible, Taeyong keeps his mind open to try and see past Jaehyun’s words because he knows that the younger will never mean harm. His husband didn’t even say anything remotely offensive and actually did his best to go about it as carefully as possible, yet Taeyong’s emotions got the best of him. Perhaps he’s still hung up on what happened during lunch.

When his anger simmers down and Taeyong gets ahold of reasoning, he presses a kiss to Jaehyun’s lips because it always makes things better. It always patches up their wounds easier. “Sorry for getting riled, too. It’s just that earlier, at work, they were talking about getting pregnant and feeling useless if they can’t.”

Jaehyun’s brows furrow. What the hell? Who would even think like that? Worried that such poison could wrap around his husband’s mind, Jaehyun cups Taeyong’s cheeks and stares him in the eyes seriously. “Don’t think about that. That’s not true.”

“I know that, alright…”

“…Okay, I’m glad that you know, but listen to me. You’re not useless, baby. We’re not useless. We have Minhyung. You are doing a father’s duties perfectly fine. Your worth isn’t measured by one ability alone. Being pregnant is just being pregnant. Taking care of a child is another story and you’re so good at it. Pregnancy wouldn’t mean a thing if you cannot be a good parent and you’re filling that position so well. Minhyung is a very good and smart boy thanks to you.”

A small smile graces Taeyong’s face. He’s so lucky to be married to Jaehyun. He couldn’t ask for more. Jaehyun is all kinds of ideal type enclosed in one. No matter what, he knows the right words to say to make Taeyong’s smile. “Thanks to you too. I’m not alone in taking care of him. We’re together.”

Jaehyun matches the other’s smile with a brighter one and kisses Taeyong’s forehead. “I love you. Don’t listen to those people.” He says before kissing Taeyong’s lips this time. “Are we okay?”

“We’re always okay.”

Just as Taeyong is leaning in to get another kiss, a tiny body squeezes itself in between them. They watch in amusement as Minhyung grins up his parents, probably feeling triumphant for ruining his fathers’ moment.

And then the tension is gone just like that. Their baby has that power to sprinkle happiness on them every time he’s around.

Taeyong pecks his son’s cheek. “You’re done?”

Minhyung shakes his head and proceeds to climb Jaehyun’s lap, burying his face on his father’s chest. “Minhyungie missed Dada! Sorry for shushing you…”

Jaehyun’s chest rumbles with his laughter and he gently pats the little boy’s butt. “It’s fine, baby. You need to focus.” Something lands on his shoulder and Jaehyun turns to see a sleepy Taeyong. “Tired?”

“Mm,” Resting his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, Taeyong closes his eyes while his husband and son decide on what late cartoon to watch. In no time he falls asleep with soft giggles and murmurs as a good night lullaby.

Dinner with the parents is always a little grander than it should, all because of the reason that they don’t get to see their grandson a lot. _A Day with Minhyung should feel like a mini party, right?_ There is more food than seven people can eat but nothing is wasted because Taeyong and Jaehyun always pack a portion of each from the menu of the day (or night). It saves them time in cooking and Minhyung gets to bring a few slices of cake to school to share with his friends.

The little boy actually thinks it’s somehow his birthday every time they meet his grandpas and grandmas since there’s not a dinner without the presence of cake and most of his favorites. Minhyung concludes once that these mini parties are preparation for his actual birthday celebration and they never bothered to correct him. Why squash his excitement?

The trio arrives at the Lee residence at 6:30. Sometimes they do it at the Jeongs’ house but Taeyong’s parents have a backyard where Minhyung can freely run around with Ruby so dinner is mostly done there. Right away they help themselves at the long table set-up in the garden after the young couple’s folks gush over the tiny boy who, in turn, happily rambles about getting a star stamp from teacher.

Minhyung talks non-stop while eating. There’s not a minute of peace when he’s hit with sugar rush and Taeyong can’t be bothered enough to remind him that too much sweets might ruin his teeth because he himself is already on his second slice of cake. Because of that, Jaehyun is the one that tells Minhyung to slow down on the dessert while Taeyong plays deaf to it.

He would’ve stopped at the second slice if there were sour candies but he forgot to bring the ones he hoarded from the university cafeteria. They’re two entirely different flavors but a chocolate cake is not a very bad alternative. In fact, as someone who likes sweets as well, the cake only seemed to taste even better than usual.

After dinner, the whole family sits down together in the living room to huddle around Minhyung again. Everyone is literally smitten with the boy who’s currently filling out a children’s crossword puzzle that his grandpa Jeong bought for him.

“Let him complete the puzzles ‘cause that game will stimulate his brain. One of these days, he’ll say a big word that us adults don’t even know.”

Later on, the grandmas call Minhyung to show him a new set of Spiderman-printed shirts, successfully stealing the boy’s attention from the puzzle. The sight of their parents fighting over his son’s attention amuses Jaehyun immensely, and he makes a joke about actually turning every dinner to Minhyung’s pre-birthday party since they’re already giving him gifts anyway.

His mother-in-law squints at him. “That’s not a bad idea, actually.”

Uh-oh.

“Taeyong, what do you say? Where’s that son of mine – what are you doing there? Are you eating again?”

Like a deer caught in headlights, Taeyong’s eyes round at them while a slice of mango hangs between his pinched lips. This time, he’s got a plate of mango graham that his in-laws brought and was planning to take out for later. Well, he already found it in the fridge. Finders keepers, right?

His mom looks him up and down. “You’ve gotten chubby since I last saw you. Did you gain weight?”

Taeyong shrugs before joining them again, plopping down next to Jaehyun who wipes the cream on his husband’s lower lip.

“Jaehyun, he gained weight, didn’t he?”

Jaehyun eyes his happy husband. “It’s probably all the sugar. He’s been eating a lot, plus the constant sour gummies and candies…”

“Don’t look at me,” Playfully whining, Taeyong shovels a forkful of graham in his mouth before giving Minhyung a bite. He can’t stop eating! Everything is so delicious and later, he might grab the last slice of cake.

Minhyung eventually grows bored of entertaining his grandparents and finally tugs Jaehyun to the backyard to play mini soccer with Ruby. High-pitched giggles, boisterous laughter, and elated barking mixes in the game where Jaehyun doesn’t even put effort in to let his son score all the goals.

He lets Minhyung kick the ball to the tiny net before tugging him to the side to wipe his sweat and change his shirt. Ruby circles them before, and stands on her hind legs to paw at Minhyung’s body while happily licking on his cheek, eliciting more tickled laughter.

Taeyong momentarily disappears back into the kitchen to get a handful of almond nuts. He’d love to join the game since he misses playing with Ruby too but bailed out last minute remembering how he gets easily tired lately.

“What’s going on with you?”

Flinching in surprise at his mother standing there without him noticing, Taeyong gazes sadly at the almond nuts he accidentally drops on the floor. “Why are you sneaking up on me?”

She dodges his question and proceeds to eye him suspiciously, hands on her hips. “Are you really okay?”

“…What do you mean?” Taeyong crouches to gather the fallen nuts and dispose them. “You rarely ask me if I’m okay but that’s cool, I’m 37, you don’t need to ask me if I’m okay every now and then because I can take care of myself. There’s Jaehyun, too. No need to worry. And since I’m already 37, with a family of my own, why does my mother keep calling me out for something as trivial as eating?” Now leaning against the table with his arms crossed, intrigue etches on his face as he looks at his mother. “You really missed me that much?”

The woman huffs before ruffling his hair. “Of course, I missed you. The last dinner was three weeks ago. And just because you’re in your late 30s and already have your own family doesn’t mean I will stop worrying about you. You’re the only child your papa and I have left.”

Taeyong smiles and pulls her in a hug. Can’t deny that he misses a mother’s care sometimes. “Love you, mom. But really, I’m okay. What’s even the issue?” He pulls away to look at her again, a small smile playing on his lips. “Too much sweets? Aside from my in-laws, no one got a slice. What are the rest for? Come on, I won’t get diabetes just because I had three slices and a plate of mango graham. I just ate Jaehyun’s share.”

She shakes her head and gestures at him. “You gained weight. I know you, Taeyong. You don’t eat too much. It’s not a problem to indulge sometimes but Jaehyun said you’re not eating sour candies too! Are you stressed?”

Stressed? Huh. That must be why he’s fatigued as well.

“Maybe? I don’t know, I feel so tired too.”

Fatigue? Weight gain? Questionable change in diet?

His mother’s eyes widen a fraction as he looks him up and down with a hand on her chest. Could it be…?

“Taeyong, did you notice a weird change in your sense of smell? Like a supposedly good scent is suddenly unpleasant to you but not to others?”

“…Yes? Like my favorite chicken pops smelled weird but Minhyung didn’t say anything.” He says warily, watching the rapid transition of expressions on her face. He catches surprise, excitement, and then worry.

What is his mother on? She’s seriously making him nervous.

The answer comes as she firmly holds his shoulders and stares him in the eyes in all seriousness.

“Go see a doctor with your husband. You might be pregnant.”

At first, the words float over his head without plans of sinking into him. And when they finally do, the possibility of actually being pregnant _exhilarates_ him. 10 years. They’ve been waiting for this for 10 years. And at long last it might come true.

Trembling in a mix of intense emotions, Taeyong leans on his mother and holds her tight for a while before calling out for Jaehyun.

They immediately set an appointment for urine and blood testing. Since Taeyong is still anxious about seeing a doctor, Jaehyun is the one that called the hospital and inquired for the earliest available slot. Luckily, somebody had backed out just before he called. Jaehyun takes it without second thoughts.

As expected, Taeyong is frantic while waiting. He is wracked with anxiety and fear that they might find something else. If it comes to that, he will not be able to avoid it anymore. It will be inevitable.

Sandwiched between Minhyung and Jaehyun, Taeyong constantly checks his phone for the time as they sit outside the doctor’s office. It feels like the hour only stretches longer even as the minutes continuously pass. He dreads going inside and wishes to get it over and done with at the same time. If only there’s another way to know without going through these tests that won’t have him vomiting from overthinking.

Jaehyun eyes his curious son before scooping Taeyong’s hand to sweetly kiss each knuckle, uncaring about strangers. It pains him to see Taeyong looking ready to bolt out of the hospital. “You know what, baby?”

Taeyong tilts his head.

“Whatever happens, I will love you even more. More than I do today. Whether there’s something or there’s nothing, let’s not be sad. We won’t do what you don’t want to do. Minhyung?”

The boy drapes himself across Taeyong’s lap, gazing up his Dada.

“You promise to make Papa happy everyday?”

A cute grin splits Minhyung’s face in half as he presses against Taeyong’s stomach. “Everyday ‘til Minhyungie is a grandpa!”

They won’t be around any longer when Minhyung reaches that age, but knowing they will always be a part of his life even when he starts his own family makes Taeyong’s heart swells. Effectively calming him that when a nurse fetches them, Taeyong isn’t afraid anymore.

They’ve got nothing to lose whatever the results may be. Even if they don’t gain anything, they will come home a complete family.

They are told to come back in two days for the results, but even without the official papers, the doctor tells Taeyong to think positively because he is indeed showing signs and symptoms of pregnancy despite not experiencing nausea.

The husbands go through the next couple of days a little distracted at work. Jaehyun sees a slow progress in his report and Taeyong forgets to leave an activity for his second class. Seems like pretending that they’re not anticipating the results causes them to be even more unproductive.

Though contrary to what Jaehyun expects to see when he comes home, Taeyong is actually doing his best to stay calm. After ticking off some work-related tasks, Taeyong distracts his mind from conjuring negativity either by helping Minhyung memorize the poem, complete his homework or watch movies together with Jaehyun – ice cream tubs and all.

More than the movie, Jaehyun looks at his husband to gouge his thoughts and emotions. Taeyong has a tendency to keep things to himself if he thinks it’s not important. Jaehyun always wants to make sure that his husband is doing alright. Though upon seeing Taeyong scoop some ice cream and top it with a sour gummy worm, he’s convinced that there’s nothing that can easily break his incredibly strong other half. Not even that horrible dessert combination.

The results are out.

Inside the doctor’s office, they embarrassingly pass the papers back and forth, avoiding to be the first one to look while the obviously worn out doctor shakes his head at the couple’s absurdity.

“Are your parents always like this?”

“Like what…?” Minhyung hops off the chair to approach the doctor’s desk and ask for a candy. “May I have one?”

“Yes, you may.” The kind doctor hands Minhyung a strawberry-flavored candy before gesturing towards the petulant husbands. “Well, like this. Like little children.”

Jaehyun grabs Taeyong’s hand and forces the folder papers into the latter’s close fist. “Baby, it’s your test. Read it!”

“ _You_ read it!”

They go at it for another minute before Jaehyun ends up taking the papers as the doctor deliberately harrumphs. Mortified, he shakily opens the first flap while three pairs of eyes watch his every move. “I can’t!” He shoves the papers back to the doctor and clings to Taeyong. “Doctor, why don’t _you_ read it?”

 _Lord almighty, I’m too old to deal with young couples like this,_ the doctor sighs before placing the results on the desk, hands clasped while staring at the absurd husbands. “I don’t have to read it because I already know its content.”

Taeyong gulps and buries his face on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“Well, what else is there to say but congratulations? Mr. Lee Taeyong is 5 weeks pregnant.”

Taeyong screams in panic as Jaehyun collapses to the floor.

God. They are by far the most dramatic couple the doctor has ever met. Bless them.

Jaehyun regains his consciousness five minutes later but momentarily refuses to open his eyes due to severe humiliation. No. He has embarrassed himself enough by passing out when he’s not even the pregnant one.

He’s actually planning to keep pretending to be asleep if not because of the sudden slap on his cheek that jolts him upright, staring in disbelief at a nonchalant Taeyong who makes a show of dusting off his hands while listening to the doctor’s reminders. Indignantly, he sits through the short lecture about proper diet and exercise as well as checkups to take note of before they leave the office with a starving Minhyung holding his parents’ hands.

The confirmation of his pregnancy is already doing things to Taeyong. There’s a happy bounce in his steps and distinct glee in his voice as he asks Minhyung where he wants to eat, and his smile….it shoots a cupid’s arrow straight to Jaehyun’s heart and then he’s falling in love all over again. Taeyong is glowing and if it’s possible, he’s gotten even more breathtaking in just a span of minutes.

As they head to a nice restaurant with him behind the wheels, Taeyong sitting shotgun and their son strapped safe in the backseat, Jaehyun watches the road ahead while reminiscing the first time he realized he was in love with Taeyong.

* * *

It was during one of the many all-nighters he did, not to study but to play games, when it hit him. He was screaming at a stupid teammate in the middle of the game when a message notification popped up and covered the screen. Yet instead of fuming because it made him lose focus, Jaehyun had no qualms pulling out of the game to reply to Taeyong. Taeyong was (and is still) far more important than any of his teammates’ onslaught of swears and threats to replace him. Jaehyun didn’t give a damn. Taeyong was spamming him about the new Funko Pop he got and Jaehyun enjoyed talking to an excited Taeyong.

Even through texts, he could hear his _hyung_ ’s squeals and high-pitched screaming. It was already past 2 and they were not allowed to leave the dorms, plus it was raining, and even if he managed to sneak out, Taeyong’s room was at the opposite side and he wouldn’t even reach past the field before a guard saw him.

But he wanted to see Taeyong so bad. Wanted to listen to him talk about his Funko Pop even though those toys freak the hell out of Jaehyun with their eyes. Then while Taeyong blabbered, he would cut him off with a kiss – Would Taeyong get shy? Would he blush and confess how much he liked Jaehyun too?

Wait. Too?

Fuck.

He was in love Taeyong, huh?

Jaehyun doubled over in laughter at the sudden realization. Who would’ve known that it would only take a damn Funko Pop at 2am for him to finally understand why he couldn’t get Taeyong out of his mind?

_Taeyongie, let’s meet._

_Hm? Now?_

_Yes. I want to see you._

He knew that Taeyong wouldn’t say no, but he forgot to say he’d be the one to head over to Taeyong’s dorm and to just stay there and wait, so he was surprised albeit delighted when they met halfway in the field, soaked from head to toe.

_Jaehyun, why are you outside?!_

_I wanted to see you –_

_Yes, but I thought you wanted me to come over –_

_Silly! You’re soaked now!_

_Well, you don’t look any better!_

_Hey! You two! What are you doing? It’s past curfew!_

_Jaehyun, let’s go to your dorm –_

_Wait, no._

_What –_

_Go back to your dorms or you will be reported to the office!_

_…_

_You didn’t push me away._

_Why would I? I liked it._

_You wanna kiss again?_

_Mm, but not here._

_I love you._

_Can we please go to your room first? Then I’ll tell you how much I love you too._

_You two, stop right there! I need your names –_

* * *

“What are you thinking of?”

“Huh?” Jaehyun briefly glances at his husband before grinning as he looks ahead again. “Thinking of our first kiss.”

He doesn’t need to look to know that Taeyong is, once again, red in the face just like that night.

It feels so surreal. His chest significantly lightened – there’s no problem with them because Taeyong is pregnant. They made a baby and Taeyong will carry them for several months. He’s been carrying the little seed for over a month and Jaehyun didn’t know. He’s unknowingly preparing to become a father again for the past 5 weeks. Is that why he’s become so touchy than normal? Why Taeyong has been needier? How did he not see through it?

But enough of what he missed for 5 weeks, because he’s going to witness it all until the 9th month. He’s going to be there for Taeyong and offer all the help he can. He’s going to see more when their second baby is born.

And Jaehyun, good Lord, Jaehyun cannot wait.

They let the whole week pass before announcing the good news. The husbands wanted to savor the moment by themselves first before everyone basks in the same happiness.

On Friday night they finally reveal it by posting Minhyung’s baby picture on SNS with a caption that says, “ _We hope he loves his baby sibling as much as he loves Spiderman!”_

And boy did it cause a reaction. Messages bombard them coming from friends and colleagues, as well as the students Taeyong is friends with on SNS. Then they invite their overjoyed parents to a video call where they spend two long hours gushing over the growing fetus in Taeyong’s stomach.

_“Where’s Minhyung? Baby, Minhyungie, are you excited to meet your sibling?”_

Minhyung curls up on Jaehyun’s lap before clutching Taeyong’s sleeve as he nods at his grandma, yawning.

_“Aw look at him, he’s sleepy. Then we wouldn’t keep you up now. Congratulations! We’re gonna be grandparents again! A new baby to spoil!”_

“Won’t put it past them to already be thinking of how to double the mini parties,” Taeyong says as he ends the call and puts the phone away, before snuggling in Jaehyun’s arms. He smiles at a sleepy Minhyung. “I’m so happy, Jaehyun…”

Hugging both loves of his life, Jaehyun gives them each a kiss on the forehead. “Me too, baby.” His gaze softens when Taeyong looks up, and sees the brimming love in those huge pools of black. “You’re not going through this alone, hm? It’s okay to be scared at times. Let your emotions take over when they get too much. Your hormones will mess with you for a while. But remember that I’m here. I’ll be scared, I’ll be happy, I’ll be a mess with you.”

His heart stutters for a moment as Jaehyun’s words worm their way inside. Taeyong plants a kiss on Minhyung’s cheek before pressing a long one to his husband’s lips. If there are other ways he hasn’t discovered yet that will let Jaehyun feel his love in all its potency, Taeyong will do it, and he will not get tired of doing it.

Being the overly excited parents (and no one can blame them), they immediately discuss what they need to buy for their second baby. Would’ve saved a lot if they still had Minhyung’s stuff but they all donated it to charity when Minhyung turned big enough for infant toys and crib. And since they can’t wait for the 5th month to know the sex of the little one, Jaehyun and Taeyong decide to shop for unisex clothes instead.

A week of receiving congratulations and well wishes from their colleagues, then the family of three visit the nearest shopping mall to purchase everything that is listed on Taeyong’s mini notepad.

As usual, they eat first because Minhyung’s stomach never stops grumbling in hunger before they hit the department store. All items in their wish list are already there except for diapers and pregnancy books that Taeyong was advised by the doctor to read.

Jaehyun lightly shakes a crib to test its durability before going over to the others while Taeyong does his own inspection on the other displays with Minhyung stuck to his side. “I can’t remember what Minhyung used before, but the mattress is thick and there’s a lot of room for pillows.”

Taeyong tells the little boy that they’re not allowed to put him in the crib before walking over to Jaehyun. A sales clerk follows to ask them what they’re looking for. “Should not be too deep because it’ll be dangerous when scooping the baby. Not too shallow so they won’t fall. We’re not going to buy a new one anymore so let’s get one with that double purpose.”

Hearing that, the sales clerk leads them to a crib that best suits their wish. “This one is portable and you can easily carry it if you want to move the crib without disassembling all the parts. The foundation is also as stable as the wooden ones so you don’t need to worry about it toppling over if the baby shakes it. Also, there’s a clutch here on the edge if you want to attach a musical toy with rotating overhead projector.”

Taeyong blinks owlishly at the clerk before turning to Jaehyun. “You made a makeshift clutch for Minhyung’s crib before, right? And it was safe?”

Jaehyun nods.

“But it took you three days to figure it out. On top of that, you bought the wrong screws. Do you still remember how to do it?”

“Hell no.” Jaehyun grins at the sales clerk before patting the display crib. “We’ll take it.”

They watch the sales clerk make a beeline to the storage room to fetch a stock.

“I was going to ask you if we really need that portable crib with a ready clutch that doesn’t come with the overhead projector because as far as I remember, its price is double the one Minhyung had.”

Jaehyun scrunches his nose before dropping a kiss to Taeyong’s shoulder, massaging it after as he avoids his husband’s gaze. “Times are changing, baby. That old crib will be as expensive as this one today.”

Right. Taeyong scratches his cheek and kindly smiles at the clerk as they explain more about the item.

Next stop is clothes, shoes, and other accessories. Do they need the accessories? Of course they do, whatever those are. Wool beanies, mittens, and wouldn’t a cotton brooch look so cute on their baby’s pajama?

The answer is always yes.

While shopping, they let Minhyung go around as long as it’s within their field of vision just so he won’t get bored. Jaehyun and Taeyong take their sweet time to choose adorable clothes. Most of what they got are in pairs and there’s only a few onesies since it’s hard to undress babies if they only need to change the nappy.

Once contented with how many they have in the basket, Taeyong calls Minhyung as they head to where the shoes are. Choosing the right shoes is a little crucial compared to clothes since they can’t possibly estimate the size of their baby’s feet for when they are finally allowed to wear these cute little things.

Jaehyun plays with a pair of shoes by patting them on his cheeks, trying to remember the feel of infant Minhyung’s soft soles that loved to kick his face. His dimples appear from how wide he’s smiling. “Won’t white match with all the clothes?”

“It’ll match the outfits we got for the baby bean, yes. Minhyungie, look at these.” Taeyong crouches to hug his son with an arm and points at the array of baby shoes. “What do you think looks the cutest?”

Minhyung looks at his Papa and Dada before scanning the displays, the tip of his index between his teeth. “This one!”

“Oh, cream? Is it better than the one Dada is holding?”

Jaehyun happily wiggles the shoes before Minhyung, chuckling when the boy nods and insists that they take the pair he chose. “Okay, fine. You got taste.”

They end up taking both anyway because Taeyong also likes Jaehyun’s pick. And he doesn’t want his baby to only have one pair of shoes, what the hell. Minhyung even had three.

Done with the footwear, they get several underwear, a bib, bottles, colorful binkies and of course, that cotton brooch Taeyong wants. Some soft toys they will keep until it’s advisable, wipes and lotion, sling, and the rest of baby essentials that they might have forgotten if they didn’t check Taeyong’s notepad – since they were too engrossed with other stuff.

Formula and diapers will have to be bought once they baby is out.

They got a full pushcart of baby essentials. Taeyong wonders how they’re going to shove everything in the backseat while Minhyung is strapped there. “It won’t be cramped in the backseat, right? Will the crib fit in the trunk?” He asks as soon as Jaehyun finishes paying at the counter.

Jaehyun looks at their stuff and nods, slipping the wallet in his back-pocket before pushing the cart out of the store. They will drop by to the bookstore for Taeyong’s pregnancy guides. “We’ll just arrange everything properly. How many books are we gonna get?”

“I don’t know. I have no idea about this since I didn’t need it before,” Taeyong says, keeping a hand on Minhyung’s back so he won’t lag. “Let’s pick the ones that contain a lot of topics. And with pop-up pictures.” He makes face when Jaehyun looks at him funny. “What? I learn best with pop-up pictures. Learning is more fun with them.”

He bets it’ll be. Even without pop-up pictures, Taeyong knows he’ll have fun learning about what happens to his body as well as his baby’s over the next several months.

He can still remember how challenging and taxing yet fulfilling it was taking care of newborn Minhyung. He can’t wait to go through it all over again but this? This will surely be a lot different because he’ll undergo a lot of physical changes. Emotional rollercoasters. More tormenting, more exhausting, and the rush of feelings once he gets to hold his new baby for the first skin to skin contact. Maybe things will get slightly easier once he gives birth since he already has an idea how to care for newborns. But even if it doesn’t, Taeyong is fine with it. As long as the baby will be born healthy.

Taeyong signs up for some weekend seminars and tells Jaehyun that it’s important he tags along. So, during the next couple of weekends, the couple attends talks about first time pregnancy and while they can’t bring Minhyung, he stays with the grandparents until the couple comes to pick him up. Their family days are being cut short because of that and by evening, Taeyong will be too tired to do anything past dinner.

On weekdays though, when there are no papers to grade and PowerPoint presentations for some topics are already done, Taeyong stays up to continue helping Minhyung with memorizing the poem. So far, he’s got three stanzas down and is already on the way to remembering all lines in the fourth stanza. Their occasional weeknight games and movie schedules are also shortened for Taeyong’s hormones began to act full-blown since the pregnancy’s confirmation. His patience runs dry faster than a desert oasis, his energy depletes after classes, and he just falls asleep as soon as his mind registers there are no more work to do. He’s only on his way to completing the first trimester but he already feels like he’s been pregnant for 7 months.

Good thing though, Jaehyun is always there to make him feel better. Massages, cooking his favorite food, and sex – his hormones has been off the roof and Jaehyun is nothing but a darling, always ready to cater to Taeyong’s needs.

And right now, as they wash the dishes side by side with Jaehyun scrubbing plates and Taeyong rinsing them, the former still puts Taeyong’s comfort and mood before anything else by playing a slow song in his phone to accompany them.

Taking a glance at his pregnant husband seriously rinsing plates, Jaehyun dries his hands before embracing Taeyong from behind and splays his hands on the latter’s stomach. Taeyong isn’t showing yet but there’s already a teeny-tiny rise on his belly which is probably just bloating, but the doctor said on their last checkup that it’s gonna start expanding to accommodate the growth of their baby.

Taeyong hums contentedly as he leans against Jaehyun, quickly turning the tap off. “What is it? Are you asking me for a slow dance?” He asks jokingly but Jaehyun’s grin exposes the latter’s plan. “Seriously?”

“Why not?” They’re already swaying gently to the melody and Minhyung is too busy on his own in the living room to disrupt the mood. Jaehyun presses a few kisses on Taeyong’s cheeks and down the slope of his neck. “Don’t wanna dance with me?”

The pregnant male turns around to lock his arms around Jaehyun’s neck and peck his husband’s nose. “You’re being awfully romantic.”

“I’ve always been romantic.” Jaehyun’s hands land on Taeyong’s waist and they follow a made-up flow in the limited space of their kitchen. Their eyes don’t look away from each other as they fall in a trance of tranquility, just immersing themselves in the moment. “It’s our first dance with baby bean.”

Soft laughter escapes Taeyong before their foreheads press together, eyes close. “First of many dances with baby bean.”

They stay that way for a while before a shriek shatters their peace and then a small body barrels into their legs, demanding to join. Jaehyun pulls away, ready for a complete family dance but Taeyong has already turned his back and is washing the rest of the dishes.

He looks down at Minhyung and pats his head. “Maybe next time, baby? Papa is tired.”

“But you were just dancing!”

“Yes, and papa is tired now. Next time, okay?”

The boy pouts and eventually relents before scurrying back to the living room to continue memorizing. Jaehyun then takes his place next to Taeyong. “You okay?”

His husband nods without looking at him, and they finish the chore just as the song stops playing.

Given that he’s still yet to finish the first trimester, they won’t know yet whether the baby is a boy or a girl. An ultrasound is still necessary though, to see the baby’s development as well as to listen to their heartbeat.

Taeyong slightly wiggles in excitement as he lies in bed and waits for the doctor to press the probe over his stomach. One hand held by Jaehyun, he glances at Minhyung and beckons the boy to hold his hand as well. “You’ll see your baby sibling on that monitor, but they will still be too small and you’ll probably think they look weird.”

“How weird, papa?”

“Like an alien.”

Jaehyun snorts when the little boy gasps in horror, and tells him to keep his eyes on the monitor as the doctor moves the transducer over the surface covered by a gel.

They don’t have to wait too long to see the first image of the 9-week old fetus and for the rapid heartbeat to resonate softly in the room.

Taeyong is close to tears. Seeing an actual picture of his baby just solidified the fact that he is indeed carrying for the first time in 10 long years.

He cries softly while the doctor points at his baby’s body parts.

“As you can see this is the head, the body, and these are limbs. The fetus is about 2.3 centimeters and weighs close to 2 grams. You might think the heartbeat is quite fast but that’s normal for now. Though it varies, it can range from 160 to 180 beats per minute. You don’t seem to have subchorionic hematoma, so that’s good.”

Jaehyun looks away for a moment to wipe his husband’s tears before his gaze darts back to the monitor. It’s too fast, the heartbeat is too fast and it scares him a little bit but overall, he’s _elated._ The emotions churning in his chest are so intense that he might end up crying too. Looking at Minhyung prevents that though, because the boy looks honestly terrified. “That’s your sibling, Minhyungie.”

“No!” Minhyung shakes his head before burying his face on Jaehyun’ leg. “Dada that’s an alien!” He exclaims, causing laughter among the three adults.

The checkup finishes soon enough and the trio comes home with pictures of the future addition in the family.

Jaehyun goes straight to the kitchen and checks the fridge, thinking of what he can make out of their stock. “Taeyong, are you craving for anything today? Other than beef and fish and your horrible sour candies. Should we have vegetables?” He straightens to look in the living room. “Yong?”

Taeyong stands before the tv as he thinks of where to put the sonogram. There are three tiny picture frames on a shelf attached to the wall – of him, Minhyung, and Jaehyun. Ignoring his husband’s question, he disappears into their room to look for an extra frame and thankfully finds one, quickly putting one copy of the sonogram inside and hurries back to the living room to put it in the middle. He moves Minhyung’s photo frame on Jaehyun’s side.

Satisfied, he then tells Jaehyun to cook anything before disappearing back in the bedroom to do god knows what.

Jaehyun leaves the kitchen to crouch next to a silent Minhyung who’s staring at the picture frames. “Hey, baby. What do you wanna eat today?”

Minhyung looks at his father. “Dada, papa Yong loves his alien baby?”

“Your sibling is not an alien, Minhyung. They will slowly look like you but right now, they’re just too small to have pretty features. But yes, papa loves your sibling as much as loves you.”

“Really?”

“Really. Why?”

“Nothing, dada. Can we please eat chicken today?”

“I’ll make you some fried chicken. Go take your shoes off and put it under your bed.” Jaehyun watches his son rush to his bedroom, and is about to return to the kitchen when he gets curious. Minhyung was looking at something. He checks what it is and sees the sonogram in between him and Taeyong’s picture frames, while Minhyung’s was moved to the side.

 _Taeyong could’ve easily put them both in between, right?_ Glancing once at their bedroom door, Jaehyun moves Minhyung’s photo next to his sibling’s so they’re flanked by their parents’ before going back to the kitchen to start preparing their lunch.

The first thing he registers is he’s in bed, then followed by the lack of usual noises outside. Taeyong groggily rolls on his back and stretches as he lets out a soft yawn, before sitting up with sleep still hanging heavy on his eyelids.

It’s 4pm. He fell asleep right after lunch. Seeing that he’s alone in bed, Taeyong supposes that Jaehyun must be with Minhyung in the latter’s room, given the silence. Turning to the right where their desk is loaded with file folders and stacks of papers reminds him of the annoying grading he has to do. Not everything in there is his, some of them are Jaehyun’s, but his husband is more organized when it comes to work brought home.

Things have been piling up since it’s Case Reports season. Even if he wants to keep his profession strictly in the university, the workload just keeps stacking itself on its own. It’s not like he could lessen the activities. They’re following a number of requirements.

Time Management is all it takes, actually. However, he’s been shit at it for a while now. All he wants to do is sleep.

But since he cannot do that as much as he wants to – he is still a full-time professor, after all – Taeyong forces himself to leave the bed. Although before he can start with reading his students’ reports, an idea that is a hundred times better occurs to him and successfully derails Taeyong’s plans.

Their baby bean’s stuff has been sitting on one corner of the master’s bedroom since they were bought and are yet to be arranged. Taeyong inspects their closet for a moment and finds a way to vacate some space for the baby clothes and shoes, at least. With a bunch of his shirts now joining Jaehyun’s space, Taeyong unpacks a shopping bag and starts folding the baby clothes properly before putting them in the closet. He does this for a while until the shopping bag is empty and takes a step back to admire his work, grinning in satisfaction.

Taeyong glances down his stomach and picks up the first pair of baby clothes atop the pile as well as the cream-colored shoes. “Do you like this?” He says as he levels the cute outfit with his belly. “This one was chosen by Dada, and the shoes by Minhyung. They have a good taste, don’t they?”

Taeyong briefly wonders how his baby would look like wearing this, and proceeds to spread them on the bed. A wool beanie, the shirt and shorts, a pair of mittens then the shoes. Looking at the whole outfit brings a smile to his face. He imagines his baby in it and can’t help the happiness that diffuses in him.

Wanting to immortalize the scene in his head, Taeyong takes his phone to take pictures of the outfit, looks at each one of them before choosing the best shot to post on SNS. Not a minute later his mother-in-law leaves a comment.

[ **Can’t wait to carry my grandchild! This reminds me of when Minhyungie was still so small. How time flies, he’s already 5 years old**. ]

Taeyong rereads the comment a few times. She’s right, time flies so fast. It feels like yesterday when they were still struggling with caring for a baby that suddenly came into their life. Now, they’re going to have another one and will go through a lot of sleepless nights again, but it’s a welcome challenge.

After hitting _like_ on his mother-in-law’s comment, Taeyong puts his baby’s stuff back in the closet and leaves the bedroom. As expected, no one is in the living room. He grabs a juice box from the fridge, stabs the straw in and sips as he heads to Minhyung’s room.

He opens the door as quietly and slowly as possible so he won’t disturb whatever the two are doing. They’re too busy that they didn’t notice Taeyong fondly watching them.

Jaehyun is currently helping Minhyung incorporate actions in his poem. He kneels, spreads his arms, makes a thinking gesture, and everything is imitated by their little boy.

“So many things to do, Dada. I’m not yet done remembering the poem…”

“Is that so… Then we won’t do those that don’t look okay.”

Taeyong drinks in the scene before him. Of Jaehyun and a little him. They said Minhyung looks nothing like his parents, but Taeyong begs to differ. The more he sees Minhyung, the more he sees Jaehyun in him. His nose-scrunching habit, his toothy smile. The way he purses his lips with a mouthful of water. When he squints while looking at something closely.

Minhyung really is a piece of him and Jaehyun, genetics be damned.

Taeyong fills in for a colleague that just resigned. He didn’t really do this willingly but there’s no one else who could squeeze in another class in their messy schedule. Being the only one in their department whose schedule finishes at 5 pronto, he has no choice but to accept it. Rather than holding the class on a single day and ending it at 8pm, the originally three-hour lecture will be divided into three days, Monday-Wednesday-Friday, so both he and the new class will still be able to go home early.

It’s going to tire him out and give him more stress but it’s extra money, so Taeyong does it without complaints.

Jaehyun was against it at first knowing his situation, being pregnant and all. It took him a few days of convincing the other that he would be fine for Jaehyun to stop begging him to hand over the class to someone else.

He can do it, he says, it’s only an hour longer, three days in a week. He can take a rest during the weekends. Sleep both days away to recharge.

Few weeks after the new set-up, Taeyong is exhausted. Work brought home is finished every weeknight so that nothing will be left for Saturdays and Sundays. Weekends are solely for lounging and catching up with the pregnancy books.

And since his Monday to Friday evenings are now eaten up by more workload, it is only Jaehyun who helps Minhyung with homework and poem practices. Their three-member games have gone down to only two members, and their movie nights are not as great with a missing person.

Dinner with the grandparents? Out.

Weekend outings? No more.

Bonding at home? History.

With Taeyong’s whole life now revolving around work and pregnancy, Jaehyun copes with the drastic changes.

Saturday evening sees the family of three doing two different things – Taeyong in too deep with the book in his hands, taking notes and reading online diaries as Jaehyun and Minhyung enjoy some boardgames.

Their son still buzzes with so much energy after a quick shower with his Dada, courtesy of the soda he had earlier.

Minhyung rolls the dice and squeals as he gets the best number before moving his playing piece three boxes forward where a ladder stretches two rows above, leaving his Dada’s playing piece pathetically stuck in the second row. “I’m gonna win!”

“Nope, I won’t let you. There are still four rows and a lot of snakes waiting to bite you. See this one?” Jaehyun points to a long snake waiting at Minhyung’s row. “It’s going to throw you three rows back.” He snickers as the boy crosses his arms with a huff before hurrying him to roll the dice. “Easy, easy. You want me to lose so bad.”

Several dice-rolling later, Jaehyun eats his own words as his son rejoices from his 2nd win, running in circles.

“I won, I won!” Minhyung bounces his way towards Taeyong and tugs on his papa’s sleeve. “Papa, let’s play games.”

Taeyong flips a page, not even sparing his son a glance as he continues to read.

“Papa, come on–”

“Lee Minhyung.”

The little boy stills as Taeyong speaks with a tone he only uses when reprimanding his son for causing trouble. Taeyong turns to him with a look of disapproval. “You can see that I’m reading, right? Just play with Dada again. And lower your voice.”

From where he is, Jaehyun silently watches the tensed exchange. Why is Taeyong talking to Minhyung like the boy did something wrong? Is it the mood swings? Perhaps. Pregnant people get too sensitive at times.

Minhyung presses his lips firmly and grips the hem of his pajama shirt as Taeyong continues to calmly scold him.

“When you see that Papa is busy doing something, you have to behave for a while and wait until I’m done. Then we can do whatever you want.”

“But I’ve been waiting for you to finish reading,” Minhyung says quietly. “We’re not playing together anymore, papa. Can we please play now?”

Taeyong sighs when Jaehyun enters his line of sight and tells Minhyung to go back to their game. Jaehyun then turns to him as he kneels so they are at eye level.

“Babe, you might wanna take a break from reading. You’ve been reading case reports the whole week. At this point you’re going to have a poor eyesight.” Jaehyun says softly as to not aggravate his husband’s mood, gently combing Taeyong’s hair with his fingers.

A sigh escapes the pregnant male as he shakes his head. “I’m lagging behind. And you should actually be doing this with me, you know. I can’t be the only one wanting to go through this as smoothly as possible.”

“What are you saying? I’m reading the books when you’re busy grading reports and preparing lessons. I already know what you know, so please…?” Jaehyun pokes the book close, plucks it out of Taeyong’s hold and wears his nicest smile. “We miss playing with you. A few rounds of Snakes and Ladders won’t hurt.”

 _We miss playing with you,_ these words repeat a few times in Taeyong’s ears as his gaze shifts between Jaehyun and their 5-year-old son. How long has it really been since they had some quality time without the combined stress of pregnancy and work-related pressure?

Sighing, Taeyong kisses his husband’s cheek before allowing himself to be lead to where Minhyung is waiting. It’s only when their son presses up to his side that he realizes how much he missed this as well, just enjoying a fun evening with the people he loves the most. He has been focusing too much on preparing for the new family member’s arrival, as well as committing to his professional obligations that he slipped away from his existing duties as a father to Minhyung.

“May I join?” He asks with a smile, and beams as Minhyung hands him a playing piece.

Soon enough, Taeyong relaxes and actually enjoys himself with the fun boardgame. Several times he gets laughed at by his husband and their little angel because he seems to have no such luck at rolling a dice. Minhyung wins twice in a row and then Jaehyun takes the crown on the third round, before the heavens finally takes pity on him and lets him win.

Taeyong thinks he’s now addicted to this game. He demands another round after that much-awaited win and hands Minhyung the dice for his turn.

“Minhyungie?” Jaehyun calls after a few seconds passed and the boy hasn’t taken his eyes away from Taeyong’s middle.

“Papa,” Minhyung looks at up at Taeyong before his gaze falls down the latter’s stomach. “Why is your tummy not big yet? Teacher said that one day you’ll have a big tummy because the baby will grow. Is the baby not growing?”

His sun sounds so confused that it makes Taeyong laugh. “Baby bean is growing, but very slowly. It might take another month or two before my tummy really shows. But there’s already a tiny bump. Here – “he presses Minhyung’s hand on his belly – “you feel it?”

Patting his papa’s stomach, Minhyung’s eyes round in awe. “We have the same stomach now! Mine is fat too!” He pulls away just to roll up his shirt, sending Jaehyun into a fit of laughter. “See? See, Dada? Stop laughing!”

“S-sorry, baby. You’re just too cute!”

Minhyung receives a pinch on the belly from his Dada and sticks his tongue out. “Papa’s tummy will be cute too.” He then looks back at a snickering Taeyong. “When will my sibling arrive?”

“In a few months, baby. Are you excited? Will you read your books to him like how we do when it’s time for bed?”

“Mm! I’ll practice so I won’t stutter anymore when there are big words.” Minhyung surprised both of his parents by lowering his head to Taeyong’s stomach to give it a kiss. “Play Snakes and Ladders with us when you come out, ‘kay?”

Seeing that Taeyong and Minhyung’s bond is as unbreakable as ever takes away that nail embedded in Jaehyun’s heart. He feels like a fool now for thinking that they might be drifting apart just because of Taeyong’s busy schedule.

Shaking his head, he takes the dice from Minhyung for his turn and quickly forgets what a silly thought he had.

Jaehyun returns to their bedroom with a glass of water and leaves it on the nightstand for Taeyong to drink later if he gets thirsty. He then quickly slips under the covers to perform his new nightly duty of talking to Taeyong’s belly – Yuta claims the baby will easily recognize his voice if he does this regularly. Jaehyun really isn’t sure how effective it is but well, there’s no harm in trying.

Sifting his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair, Taeyong bites back a giggle as butterfly kisses are peppered on his bare stomach. “What are you gonna say today? You told them about the Kentucky Fried Children last time and my stomach hurt. Kinda. I think you breathed a curse.”

“Do you still hurt anywhere?”

“No…”

“Good,” Jaehyun says and presses one last kiss on the tiny bump before lying next to his husband and immediately scooping Taeyong in his arms. “I’ve already told them I love them countless times so for tonight, I’ll just say it to you.”

Taeyong’s boba eyes twinkle in the dark, his eyes crinkling. “But I already know you love me.”

“I don’t care if you already know. I will still tell you everyday.” Closing the distance between them, Jaehyun captures those thin yet nice lips in a slow, deep kiss. He only pulls away when the air in their lungs deplete, and pecks the tip of Taeyong’s nose. “I love you. Very much.”

Words can never be enough – They make love slowly and passionately, professing their undying promises to be together for a long, long time through caresses and kisses that burn so good.

And as they hold each other after while basking in the sweet afterglow, all Taeyong thinks about is how even more perfect everything will be, if possible, once they can finally hold the life their love beautifully created.

But not all wishes come true, no matter how hard they were prayed for, no matter how long they were anticipated.

Maybe he’s unlucky, cursed. Maybe it’s really not meant to be.

It all comes crashing down during one of Taeyong’s classes. The ache in his lower belly is dull for a minute, then unbearable, until he can’t take it anymore and his body hits the ground, curling up in gut-wrenching pain.

Like something is being forcefully flushed out his system.

Panic shouts reverberate among the students as they huddle around him and call for help.

Taeyong desperately clutches his stomach as though doing it hard enough will guarantee his baby’s safety. The pain is so severe that he cannot even utter a word, and he passes out even before he could ask someone to get his phone and contact Jaehyun.

Taeyong didn’t expect to find himself in a hospital bed this early in his pregnancy. Shouldn’t he be confined in a private room, with tubes attached to his arm only when it’s time for the doctor to cut him up and take out his baby? Then later on he will listen to their first cry and hold them close for a skin to skin contact? Isn’t that the norm, or did it change?

He turns his head to the side to look at his husband. Jaehyun’s eyes are already on him but they look different. Not a loving stare, not even a worried one. Dead. Jaehyun looks dead.

_Why?_

“Jaehyun,” he says, voice hoarse. “What time is it?”

Jaehyun glances up the clock and scoots closer, dragging his chair nearer to the bed. “9pm,” he says before holding Taeyong’s hand. The one without a needle sticking in him. “Are you thirsty?”

Is he? His throat is parched but Taeyong doesn’t want to drink. He wants to know if his baby is okay.

Glancing down, his free hand carefully hangs over his belly, too scared to touch. Taeyong is too scared to know what he’d find – or what he wouldn’t find. But his hope is greater than his fear, so the tips of his fingers run over his middle, where they feel something thick beneath the hospital gown he’s wearing.

Bandage. What did they do? Why would they cut him up this early?

“I should call the doctor.”

Taeyong stares blankly into space as Jaehyun presses a button on the wall. His heart lodges itself in his throat, palpitating at an alarming rate, and Taeyong swallows the bile that threatens to spill out of him.

His husband keeps talking lifelessly. Their parents are outside together with Minhyung, but Taeyong hears nothing more than his own thoughts.

_I’m okay._

_They’re okay._

_We’re okay._

They don’t sound convincing.

The doctor arrives, asks him how he feels as a pathetic preamble to a heartbreaking news. Does he think it’s going to make Taeyong feel better if they exchanged pleasantries?

He only stares back at Jaehyun. And even before the doctor tells him what he’s been dreading since waking up, what he’s been telling himself is not true, Taeyong’s already crying. Crying as he looks into Jaehyun’s previously lifeless eyes that are now mirroring his. Twin waterfalls of misery.

They are told the possible reasons why their baby left, but Taeyong doesn’t pay attention to it. He pays attention to the fact that this has already been said to Jaehyun while he was asleep and his husband sits through it again because he doesn’t have a choice. Taeyong needs to know, and Jaehyun needs to be there for his husband through a repeat of why they are so unfortunate. Why even after 10 years, they still cannot have that one simple thing that most effortlessly receive, that even the undeserving usually get.

What is it about them that prevents a wonderful event? Taeyong has never committed a crime or any kind of unforgivable sin. Jaehyun is the kindest man he knows. Why is it him, of all people, that was drawn out of this unlucky game of fate?

Is this even real? They were only given a short period of time to know what it felt like to anticipate a child – for what? Or are the past few months merely a trial run?

_This is what it feels like to be pregnant. Do you finally understand? Good. It’s over._

Taeyong gasps as renewed tears stream down his face. The door closes gently behind the doctor as he leaves them alone to drown in despondence.

Jaehyun buries his face onto Taeyong’s shoulder and tries his best to mourn as silently as he can. He has heard the tragic news hours ago but it doesn’t make it any less painful to hear it again. It just doubles. It just keeps scraping a larger hole hollow in his heart.

He already cried, and wanted to remain compose for Taeyong, but he can’t. It proves to be difficult. When he said he will be sad with Taeyong, when he said he will be a mess with Taeyong, he didn’t mean this. Not this. But why are they going through _this_?

Isn’t it too early to witness death in the family? Shouldn’t it be the children who will bury their parents and not the other way around?

Or did the rules change?

If he only knew that last night would be his last chance to talk to his baby, he would’ve stayed up just saying whatever crossed his mind. Even if they’re nonsense, even if they’re repetitive.

Jaehyun lets out the most painful sob. All of those are now wishful thinking, just endless regrets.

Three months of paradise, then they’re back to square one.

Taeyong talks to no one except for Jaehyun throughout his stay in the hospital. Their parents drop by, only to leave a couple of hours later because Taeyong gets irritated when there’s too many people in his room.

Not even Minhyung manages to get a drop of attention from his papa. And since Taeyong refuses to do anything other than stare at the ceiling and eat the food nurses leave for him, the boy turns to Jaehyun in hopes of getting an answer.

_Why is papa still here? Why is he sad?_

_Papa is here because he’s still healing. He has a wound on his stomach. We’ll come home with him soon._

_I don’t have to stay with grandma and grandpa anymore?_

_Not anymore._

_Dada?_

_…Yes?_

_You haven’t answered me yet – why is papa sad?_

Minhyung remembers the exact words he was told – ‘Because his sibling won’t be coming anymore.’ And as an extremely curious child he wants to ask what means, but the look in his papa’s eyes when their gazes met for the first time in days silences him. They’re not happy nor sad. Looking at them reminds Minhyung of when a classmate pushed him hard and he scraped his knee. It hurt so bad. So, so bad. That’s what he sees in his papa Taeyong’s eyes, only that it seems like his papa’s wounds are far worse than a scrape on the knee.

Did his papa cry too? Thinking about it makes him sad. He’s never seen his papa cry before and he doesn’t ever want to see it.

Taeyong gets discharged with a reminder of how to care for his wound, and the further checkups they might want to go for. He doesn’t want to go back to the hospital again. There are no more reasons for him to see a doctor. Be it about his recovery, or anything along the lines of all that is wrong with his body and why he failed to keep a baby.

No more of those useless lectures. It’s enough that the voices in his head won’t stop talking.

The ride home is awfully quiet. The air is thick with tension even with the jolly music coming from the radio that Jaehyun put on to salvage the irreparable atmosphere.

As soon as they arrive home, Taeyong locks himself up in the master’s bedroom. The slamming of the door rattles the picture frames on the shelf, and Minhyung flinches as one of them unfortunately shatters from the fall. Jaehyun doesn’t need to check to know whose pictures it and simply leaves Taeyong’s stuff next to the couch before replacing the sonogram with the little container of the cremated pregnancy remains.

He was made to know how lucky he was with his company when they allowed him to use some of his leaves to stay at home for a while. They understand that he needs ample time to grieve. Johnny and Yuta extend their comforting messages to Jaehyun although predictably, none of those help. The wound in his heart is yet to close.

Jaehyun is so bitter that he deletes Yuta’s contact. His friend did nothing wrong. He just doesn’t feel like talking to someone who’s well on their way to meeting their second child while he’s mourning the loss of his own. 

Days pass by and nothing changes. Actually, there is one so humongous and glaring that Jaehyun cannot unsee. He seems composed, but deep inside he’s lost. Taeyong still refuses to talk and has even stripped that privilege off of him on the second day following his discharge.

Jaehyun is doing his best to fill the void in their family, he really is. He cannot expect Taeyong to cheer up and move on so he lets him be, lets his husband stay in bed as much as he wants, lets him skip meals if he doesn’t feel like eating.

Of course, Jaehyun tries to fix that. When it’s time to shower, he brings Taeyong to the bathroom and scrubs him clean, careful of his healing wound, because Taeyong has no energy to even move a limb. It sounds exaggerated but it’s what’s happening. Taeyong only waits for it to get gone, head hanging low to hide the tears that are then sucked into the drain once they fall. When it’s time to eat he asks Taeyong what he wants, only to get either a snide remark or a sarcastic variation of ‘ _cook anything you want, I don’t need to watch my diet anymore._ ’

At night he stares at the back of his husband and listens to his muffled cries. Taeyong doesn’t want to be held, pushing Jaehyun away the second he tried to. If only it was possible to take Taeyong’s tears and break down on his own so that Taeyong doesn’t have to, he would’ve done it already. But no actions, no words can set things right so soon so Jaehyun just watches him uselessly until Taeyong falls asleep, salty tear tracks on his face.

While he’s at home, Minhyung’s nanny doesn’t need to go to work so Jaehyun still wakes up early to prepare Minhyung’s food, iron his uniform and do all the chores because mourning is not an excuse to let the house collect dust and for their laundry to pile.

And when he comes back from dropping Minhyung off at school, Jaehyun dumps the dirty clothes in the washing machine and lets it run so the noise drowns out his sobs.

Is he enervated? As he sits on the wet floor of the laundry area, sobbing in his hands in front of the whirring washing machine, does he feel tired?

He does. He’s so emotionally exhausted but he cannot take a break. Who’s going to do it all if he rests? Taeyong needs time to recuperate, Minhyung is just a child. Jaehyun is an adult whose stomach wasn’t sliced open to rip out their dead child.

Once he’s done crying, Jaehyun pushes himself off the floor and tends to the laundry. There is no time for constant break downs. He has to be strong for his family. Superficially, at least.

Taeyong is woken up by a kiss on the forehead. He pushes the covers down his waist as Jaehyun smiles at him, wearing his work clothes.

“Nanny Park is here but I already cooked enough for lunch and dinner. You may call for delivery if you don’t like the food.” Jaehyun bites his lip as his husband looks away, and grabs his bag on the desk. “I’ll try to come home early, but I left a week worth of workload so… I’ll see you when I see you.” Glancing at Taeyong once more, Jaehyun heads for the door and stops just as he’s outside. “Please eat. If you don’t want to shower, it’s okay. I’ll just give you a bath when I come back. But please eat, Yong.”

The door shuts later on and Taeyong stays in bed for hours just staring at the ceiling, thoughts silent. For the first time since waking up at the hospital, his thoughts are silent. He wastes away listening to the sound of Nanny Park cleaning in the living room, of Minhyung preparing to go to school, before finally leaving the tight and depressing clutch of his bed as soon as he’s certain that he’s alone in the house.

Taeyong looks around the bedroom, one hand on his stomach that still didn’t get the memo that there’s nothing inside of it anymore so it needs to flatten again. He still feels some cramps, but he’s already losing weight. Courtesy of not eating properly.

Jaehyun must’ve moved the _unwanted_ stuff somewhere and Taeyong didn’t even notice. Not like he wants to. He also doesn’t wish to know where his good husband put all those wasted essentials. Taeyong hopes he threw them away or burned them.

His stomach grumbles in hunger so he makes way to the kitchen and eats a bowl of the food Jaehyun made. It’s delicious. Taeyong is reminded of who’s the better cook between them.

Leaving the dishes in the sink when he’s done, Taeyong then transfers to the living room and indifferently flips channels on tv, looking for anything remotely interesting to watch. He’s never home this early on weekdays so he has no idea about the drama currently being aired. In the end he settles on a channel airing anime reruns and tries to follow it with his knowledge of basic Japanese since there’s no subtitle.

He’s been enjoying the quietness of his mind when he makes the mistake of looking at the shelf. The sonogram is gone but is replaced by his pregnancy remains. Taeyong stares at it blankly as it mocks him. How cruel.

He shouldn’t have looked because it only reopened the wounds that are yet to heal. Taeyong stares at the miniature urn the size of a salt shaker and wonders what they even collected after cremating it. Two specks of ash? A 12-week fetus is only as big as a passion fruit. They shouldn’t have bothered.

They shouldn’t have bothered to give them memorabilia because it only aggravates Taeyong’s self-hatred. He hates his body. It’s so ugly. There’s a wound across his stomach that will leave a permanent reminder of his failed pregnancy. His bump has yet to disappear, and what the hell is it still doing there? Why does it hurt still? Is the pain real or is it the work of his mind, so traumatized it can’t forget how a miscarriage felt like? So vile it won’t let him wake up from the nightmare.

There’s no one else to blame but himself. He read those books and knew how more sensitive it was to get pregnant at his age. Despite reading the do’s and don’ts he still accepted that extra work, he still stressed himself, he still had too much caffeine without Jaehyun knowing because he was too tired and sleepy and an iced coffee was the only way to keep himself awake in the university.

Taeyong probably hates himself more than the universe despises him. He basically caused his own miscarriage. He ruined his body, he killed his baby. He deserves to suffer for a long, long time.

It’s 5 minutes before 9 in the evening when Jaehyun comes back from work, and finds Minhyung playing Jenga alone in the living room. The boy instantly beams and rushes towards him for a hug, clinging tight as Jaehyun picks him up.

“How’s school?” Jaehyun asks as they settle on the couch. “Did papa come out of our room today?”

“School is okay. And papa was watching tv when I came back! But he was still quiet so Minhyungie didn’t bother him.”

Jaehyun glances at the kitchen. The table is clear so they probably had dinner already. “Did papa eat with you?”

Minhyung nods and entertains himself by playing with Jaehyun’s tie. “Papa waited for me to eat everything then he washed the bowls and glasses and chopsticks. And then he went in your room. I think he’s sleeping already ‘cause it’s really quiet.”

Imagining his little boy play by himself in such a dreary house for hours pains and worries Jaehyun. Minhyung shouldn’t be left unsupervised for that long. Who knows what could happen if he hurts himself?

Jaehyun checks his watch and gets up again with the boy in his arms. “Let’s give you a bath first then it’s time for bed, okay?”

He only lets Minhyung play in the tub for 10 minutes since the boy might get cold, then Jaehyun rinses and dries him properly before taking Minhyung to his own room to get dressed. “We missed a practice today,” Jaehyun tugs the covers up his son’s shoulders and gently pats his head. “There’s a lot of work in the office so Dada came home late. Tomorrow, let’s practice together.”

Minhyung buries his nose onto the covers, eyes blinking sleepily. “It’s okay, Dada. You’re tired.”

Grateful for his son’s understanding, Jaehyun smiles and gives the boy a goodnight kiss on the forehead before leaving him to go check on his husband. He’s surprised to see Taeyong up and using his laptop at the desk, little lamp on.

Jaehyun turns on the light and walks up behind Taeyong, kissing the back of his head. “Hey, love. What are you doing?”

“Updating grades. I’ll go back to the university tomorrow.”

First of all, Jaehyun is glad that Taeyong didn’t just ignore him. He missed hearing his voice. But the thought of his husband going back to work right away doesn’t sit well with Jaehyun. He sits on the bed and watches Taeyong type. “I don’t think it’s okay to go back to work so soon. Your wound will completely heal after 6 weeks. You shouldn’t do anything strenuous.”

“I’m not teaching again. Just going to see what needs to be done with my absence. I already called the office to let them know I need 4 more weeks. Will file proper requests so there won’t be problems when I return.”

That’s the longest Taeyong has spoken since the miscarriage. Jaehyun is happy. Things will not go back to how they were for a while but at the very least, Taeyong is talking to him.

Jaehyun scoots closer, hands on the knees as he mentally contemplates how to tell Taeyong that they need to go back to the hospital for a follow-up checkup without triggering negative reactions. But he supposes it’s unavoidable. “Yong, the doctor said we should talk to him soon. They need to do a test to see if your hormones are already back to normal.”

“Have you gone deaf or are you purposely testing me?” Pausing from work, Taeyong looks at his husband with a slight frown. “I remember telling you right before leaving the hospital that I don’t wish to go back. I don’t feel anything else aside from the occasional cramps and headaches that they said are normal. My scar is not infected – thank you for taking care of it. So I don’t see any reason for you to keep talking about hospitals when you know how much I hate them.”

Taken aback, Jaehyun looks down for a moment to pull himself together before talking again, still calm as ever. “I’m just saying, because we need to be sure you’re getting well. They know what’s best for you…” He doesn’t know what’s wrong with what he said but Taeyong scowls and turns back to the laptop.

“They don’t know what’s best for me. Do you know what I, the one who lost a child, think what’s best for me?” Soft, keyboard clacking resounds through the room. “I think people should get the hell off my back and stop telling me what to do. They have to stop giving me advices on what I should do with this useless body and make me feel as if I’m responsible for killing my baby–‘cause I already know that.”

Jaehyun’s hands curl into fists. “Don’t say that. You didn’t kill–”

“But I did,” Taeyong hits a key and slams his laptop close, not bothering to face Jaehyun as hot tears gather in his eyes. “And I want all of you to leave me alone until I am shameless enough to swallow the guilt.”

What should he do? As his husband wallows in self-hatred, what is Jaehyun allowed to do? Respect Taeyong’s wishes and let him feed into the demons in his head or prove Taeyong right that he, in fact, has gone deaf and will not heed his husband’s unhealthy decisions that by doing so, will most likely fuel Taeyong’s self-disparagement even more?

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and exhales slowly before getting moving to get Taeyong’s wound care kit in the closet. “Let’s get you washed so I can clean your scar.” He walks up to his husband and thumbs away Taeyong’s tears as he helps him stand up.

It’s okay not to know what to do sometimes. Jaehyun is not perfect and he will have moments of weakness and confusion. Maybe they will eventually get the answer as they let things be for the meantime, if they just go with the flow.

He wishes they didn’t know a single thing. That the miscarriage didn’t happen in public, at least. Because Taeyong doesn’t want to deal with any of them, their questions and comforting wishes. Even those that don’t speak still has something to say with their eyes. He forces out a smile each time somebody casually starts a conversation as useless and boring as the weather just to gouge his reaction. Can’t they see he’s not in the mood to pretend with them? Confronting him head on would’ve been better than telling him how much they missed him while the elephant lingers in the room.

Mrs. Jang and Ms. Gong are in the faculty room when he arrives to get some of his personal belongings. He suspects they might just surprisingly disappear when he returns in a month. Taeyong spares the older professor a smile and none to the nosiest woman he’s even known, as he proceeds to rummage drawers and folders for anything important.

His belongings won’t fill the box he brought but just in case it’s heavier than expected, he’s got the car today. Jaehyun insisted he takes it so he won’t have to commute. And a good student of his waiting outside volunteered to help him carry the box on his way out.

Taeyong doesn’t wish to stay here for longer than intended so he focuses on quickly flipping folders for important papers he might have stuffed in them, but Ms. Gong seems to oppose his plan of finishing this task in peace as she begins to relay her unnecessary opinions to poor Mrs. Jang.

“That’s so tragic. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to me.”

Taeyong keeps his back on them as he pretends to flip through folders, one hand discreetly taking out his phone. He overhears Mrs. Jang tell the other teacher to shut up, but Ms. Gong is so insensitive she continues to run her filthy mouth.

“I’m just saying and I actually feel sorry. He was so excited, he kept talking about his baby with all those status and pictures. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so careless, right? And now he’s quitting–”

She really has something against Taeyong, doesn’t she? To openly gossip around him about the very reason why he’s taking a break from teaching, this woman must dislike his guts.

“Maybe you should start clearing your desk too, Ms. Gong. But unlike me, you’re probably not coming back.” Taeyong faces the two as he shows his phone that’s still currently recording, and presses stop. “The admin will receive this as I leave.”

Her eyes widen in realization of what he did and shoots out of his seat. “Mr. Lee–”

Taeyong catches Mrs. Jang lowering her head to hide a smile. “And when you get terminated, you better tell your boyfriend why you lost your job. Tell him you’re one judgmental woman who cannot keep her nose out of other people’s business. Tell him exactly why it was a mistake to propose to you, so he’ll be aware that if he wants to build a family with someone, you’re his worst choice. And if you try to beg me not to report you, I’ll probably do much worse than that. There’s no way out, Ms. Gong.” He pockets his phone and picks up the box – never mind the stuff he can’t find – and makes his way out of the faculty room.

Mrs. Jang barks out a laughter as soon as her favorite co-teacher is gone, shaking her head at the incredulous expression on Ms. Gong’s face. “I don’t know why you keep clinging to me, Ms. Gong. Do you really not notice how uninterested I am with you?” She picks up a book and walks past the other. “You should go prepare for your next class. This might be your last day anyway, so do your best.”

Johnny leaves his station as he sees Yuta approaching and taps Jaehyun on the shoulder. “We’re going out for lunch. You wanna join?”

“No, thank you. I brought lunch with me.”

“Oh, alright. Then we’re going now.”

“Go ahead,” Yuta says as he eyes Jaehyun’s back before giving Johnny a knowing look that the latter instantly picks up. The two of them have taken notice that Jaehyun seems to be avoiding them, especially Yuta. Johnny mouths a _good luck_ before hauling his ass out of the office.

“Jaehyun, can we talk?”

Jaehyun slightly flinches when he realizes that he’s not alone. He glances at Yuta uncertainly before turning off the monitor of his computer. “Um, sure. I’m going to the break room now, though.”

“Okay, I’ll eat there.”

“What about Johnny?”

Yuta snorts as the other stands up, carrying his lunch box. “He’s an adult. He can eat by himself.”

Seeing that he’s been cornered, Jaehyun mentally beats himself as he leads the way to the break room. He quickly chooses a table far from the other employees as Yuta orders his lunch.

Did his friend finally take notice? Jaehyun wonders while unpacking his lunch, and he’s not given enough time to think of an excuse in case Yuta confronts him when the latter takes the seat across. Jaehyun raises a brow at Yuta’s choice of lunch.

Sandwich and a juice box?

Awkward tension wraps around them as they start eating.

“How are you?”

“Dying,” Jaehyun says without looking up, shoveling another spoonful of rice in his mouth. “Somebody should’ve taken some of my work when I was gone. How am I gonna finish it all in a week? Didn’t the intern do anything?”

Yuta sighs. This guy is really doing everything to avoid interacting with him, huh? “They did a lot. A lot of photocopying. But that’s not what I’m asking. How are you…?”

His chewing slows as sudden irritation bubbles in his chest. Jaehyun washes his food down with some water before dabbing tissue on his mouth, eyeing Yuta. “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say but things are not looking good. Taeyong is depressed, we argue, Minhyung probably wants to know more but I don’t know what else to say aside from he’s not getting a sibling anytime soon–probably not anymore.”

“You’re breaking.”

Jaehyun scoffs and drops his chopsticks as he reclines. “Fuck if I’m not, Yuta.” A quick scan of the break room for anyone listening in then his gaze darts back to the other. “I’m trying to pull myself together because if I break completely, no one is going to help fix our issue.”

Irritation radiates off of Jaehyun so palpably that Yuta looks away for a moment before wrapping up his unfinished sandwich. “What about your parents?”

“Taeyong doesn’t wanna talk to anybody. They’ve been asking me if they could visit but Taeyong will just push them away. I’m letting things be at the moment ‘til my husband feels a little better. I don’t know when, but that’s the only thing I can do for now.”

Asking Jaehyun how he’s doing is just a starter for Yuta’s real purpose in joining him for lunch. He can’t casually drop a sincere advice without knowing if it’s appropriate or not.

Stabbing a straw in his juice box, Yuta takes a few sips before looking Jaehyun in the eyes. “Have a little more patience and understanding.” He says calmly. “Your husband will be self-destructive so be there for him as much as you can. Tell them their thoughts are just a legion of lies and it’s not their fault. Whatever he says, tell him it’s not his fault. But let him talk. Let him say what’s in his head because that’s another way of healing – to release all the negative thoughts. Don’t let him bottle it in. Don’t berate him for his knee-jerk reactions because he’s going through something none of us will ever fully understand. Not even you, the husband. You will understand that it’s painful but not how bad it is.”

Jaehyun blinks a few times. Wow, he didn’t expect that Yuta would go this far to rub it in his face. “…And you think you have the right to lecture me this because? You don’t even understand half of what I–”

“Doyoung miscarried twice.”

The anger boiling within Jaehyun simmers in a snap as though he’s been showered with cubes of ice.

What…?

“Twice, Jaehyun. Before we finally got through the first successful pregnancy.” Yuta puts down his juice, not taking his eyes away from the man who’s now visibly going through bouts of shame. “And even though he went through it twice, I still failed to grasp the amount of pain because I never had those fetuses in me. They didn’t develop in me, they didn’t cling to me. It broke me too, of course. Those fetuses…they’re still my flesh and blood. But I will never be able to fully understand it because I didn’t carry them. It’s different. Our pains are different.”

Yuta huffs out the sudden heaviness in his chest. He’s healed long ago, but it’s always a painful recollection. “You hated me, didn’t you? You were avoiding me.”

Jaehyun props his elbows on the table, rubbing his face. If only he could scrub the stupidity off of him. “I’m sorry.”

A small smile graces Yuta’s features as he picks up the juice box. Seems like the ice has broken. “It’s fine, you didn’t know.”

“Does Johnny know?”

“Yes, but it’s not his story to tell. Don’t give up, alright.”

“Thank you…”

“Um, I know a better way for you to thank me.” Yuta doesn’t give Jaehyun a chance to react as he switches their lunches and grabs a spoon from the counter. “Go help yourself with my sandwich.”

Chuckling, Jaehyun shakes his head before unwrapping the half-eaten sandwich while his friend now enjoys the goodness of homemade food.

If Yuta and Doyoung could do it, then he and Taeyong can overcome this as well, right?

Life continues to test them later that night. Minhyung hops off his seat and asks Jaehyun, who’s washing the dishes after dinner, if he could invite his papa Yong for a game. Though uncertain how this would play out, Jaehyun gives his son the go signal and watches the 5-year-old boy walk up to the man lying on the couch. The light coming from the tv reflects on Taeyong’s face.

Minhyung sits on his heels on the floor when he reaches his papa and tugs on the latter’s shirt. “Papa, do you want to play with me and Dada?”

“No.”

Taeyong doesn’t even look at his son.

“We’re gonna play Snakes and Ladders again! Didn’t you like that?”

“…No. Go play with him.”

Annoyance quickly clouds his father’s head but Minhyung is just a child and he cannot read the room that well, he just misses his papa so much, so he doesn’t relent and asks again, insistently tugging on his papa’s shirt. By this time, Jaehyun has disappeared in the bathroom.

“But papa, you don’t play with us anymore. Come on, please?” Minhyung huffs. “Papa, get u–”

“I said no!” Taeyong sits up and glares at the shaken child. Minhyung shakes in fear because his papa has never raised his voice at him, no matter how stubborn he was. “How many times am I gonna say no? And stop being so noisy, will you? Can’t you see I’m watching?”

Minhyung’s lips quiver. “I just want to play–”

“Then play with Jaehyun! Stop being stubborn.” Taeyong’s jaw clenches, heart racing as black clouds his mind and he sees nothing but his dead sister’s face. “And stop calling me papa ‘cause I’m not your father. You’re not my son.”

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he’s expecting when he let Minhyung talk to his papa, but certainly not the loud wailing of his son when he comes out of the bathroom. “What’s going on?” He asks as he pads across the room to pick up his crying son, taking in Taeyong’s furious gaze. “What did you do?” He then turns to Minhyung, lightly bouncing the kid in his arms. “Baby, why are you crying?”

Minhyung’s wail rings like siren. “Papa said he’s not m-my papa!” More sobs rip out his tiny body. “He said I’m not his son!”

Cold dread cascades Jaehyun’s spine as he looks at Taeyong in disbelief. _How could he…?_ Anger begins to sizzle in his chest when Taeyong storms into the master’s bedroom, leaving him to tend to the crying boy.

Jaehyun desperately whispers soothing words to his son but they fall in deaf ears as Minhyung continues to cry. Frantically, Jaehyun grabs a small carton of fruit juice from the fridge and brings Minhyung to his room. He sits the boy down the bed before uncapping the carton. “Baby, look, isn’t this your favorite? Look at Dada. Stop crying and look at Dada.”

Minhyung coughs and rubs one eye with his fist as he looks at the juice carton. He stares at it for a while before taking it from his father, gulping the sweet goodness twice and resumes crying. Though this time it’s calmer as his sobs reduce themselves to mere whimpers and hiccups.

Now kneeling next to the bed, Jaehyun cups Minhyung’s face to wipe the wetness. God, he can’t fathom how this is happening. Minhyung’s cries sounded vastly different from when he gets hurt from a fall or when he’s denied the snack he wants. This is heart-wrenching. “Now, you don’t have to listen to what papa said, okay? Papa was just mad, but it’s not your fault. Papa is going through a rough phase, but he shouldn’t have gotten mad at you.” Jaehyun then apologizes in Taeyong’s stead as the fruit juice distracts the boy.

“Papa is lying…?”

Jaehyun sighs and brushes Minhyung’s fringe away from his eyes. “Forget it, okay? Will you forget what papa said to you?”

Minhyung sniffles a few times, looks down his juice carton and nods. “I just wanted to play…”

“Yes, there’s nothing wrong with that, and papa was wrong for getting mad at you.”

“I don’t want to play anymore, Dada. Can you please read me books instead?”

“…Later, okay? ‘Cause Dada needs to talk to Papa first.” Jaehyun sighs in relief when Minhyung easily agrees, and tells his son to choose a nice book for the meantime while he talks to his husband.

“What was that?” What gentleness Jaehyun had with Minhyung evaporates as soon as he goes to their room and sees Taeyong sitting on his side of the bed, looking distraught. “Taeyong–why did you say that?”

Taeyong gulps and averts his gaze swimming with guilt. “Because that’s the truth.”

“Truth?” Jaehyun asks incredulously. He paces the room as he rummages through the storm in his head for words that won’t hurt, and stops as soon as he’s sure that he won’t lash out at Taeyong.

_Patience and understanding. Let him talk because it’s another form of healing. Don’t berate him for the knee-jerk reactions._

“I don’t want to get mad at you, Yong. You don’t mean that.” Getting on his knees before his husband, Jaehyun untangles Taeyong’s hands from his hair and holds them. “You don’t mean what you told Minhyung because Minhyung is our son, and he doesn’t deserve any of this even if you’re hurting. Don’t displace your frustrations on him. I’m trying to understand you as much as I can, alright? If you’re angry, take it out on me instead.”

Taeyong closes his eyes and deeply inhales. “Where is it,” he breathes out.

“What…?”

“The stuff we bought. Where is it.”

Jaehyun blinks a few times in confusion, his clutch on Taeyong’s hand loosening. _Why is his husband looking for those all of a sudden?_ “I put them all in the storage room–” Yet before he finishes, Taeyong is already walking out and for some reason it makes Jaehyun panic as he tails his husband.

Taeyong stares defeatedly at all the baby essentials piled together with cleaning supplies. “…Why did you keep them,” he asks. Brief, lifeless chuckle resounds as he picks up a bib and tosses it over his shoulder after looking at it. “Throw these away.”

“Yong–”

“Baby bottles? Who’s gonna drink from this? Minhyung uses his sippy cup. These clothes?” The tiny shirt is then crumpled in his ruthless grip as his hardened yet gaze goes over the cartoon print. “They aren’t even adorable. Who buys printed shit like this now?”

Baby clothes and accessories are tossed to the floor one by one as Taeyong indifferently hurls them.

“Taeyong, please.” Jaehyun pleads, picking up whatever his husband throws. “I’m not throwing them away. I hid them because we might need–”

“We don’t need it.” Taeyong continues to toss what his hands reach for with more of the sorrow he’s been holding in since the loss of his baby, and the sight of everything that once enlivened him is now just a painful reminder of an _almost._ “We don’t need it. We waited for 10 years, only for me to kill my baby. Throw them away. We will never have a baby again because my body can’t handle it. I’m useless. Throw them away.” He tries to put up a nonchalant front in vain, face crumpling with anguish the more he pretends.

“And this damn crib? Yeah, the supposed owner’s sleeping but they’re also not waking up.”

Jaehyun drops the baby clothes and tightly embraces Taeyong from behind as he holds his husband’s arms down, keeping him from reaching for the sealed crib.

Soft cries that are not his own reaches Taeyong as he drops to the floor, bringing Jaehyun with him. Pure agony laces his cries. “Throw them away, Jaehyun. _Please._ Don’t give me false hopes. Throw them away, burn them, I don’t care. Just get rid of them.”

It feels like Jaehyun’s soul is being wrenched out of him. It hurts, he can only cry with his husband and wonder how worse it is for Taeyong. Such pain he will never wish upon anyone, not even to an enemy.

His husband now weakly thrashes in his hold, pushing him away.

“No, don’t hug me. Go away. Why do you keep trying to make me feel better?” Taeyong claws at Jaehyun’s arms. “I don’t deserve this. Let go. Leave me alone–”

“I won’t!” Jaehyun can’t take it anymore. He has already let Taeyong talk, has already let him blame himself and it’s enough. “Stop it, alright? Stop pushing me away. Who’s going to put your pieces back together if I leave you alone? Are you asking me to just sit and watch you ruin yourself? When am I going to step in, when it’s already too late? When your pieces turn to dust and I can’t hold you anymore?”

The heels of Taeyong’s palms dig into his red-rimmed eyes so he won’t have to see his husband crumble.

“Did you forget our vows already? 10 years passed and I still remember every word, Taeyong. Through good and bad we’ll be together, right? Pregnancy is just pregnancy. So what if we can’t make a baby?” Drying his eyes with his sleeves, Jaehyun pulls Taeyong closer and lets the latter cry on his shoulder. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. You’re not useless, alright? I don’t want you to define your worth by whether or not you can conceive. We have a bright son already, Yong. I know it’s hard,” he says as he presses kisses to the side of Taeyong’s head, “but you don’t have to go through this alone. Baby, I told you we’re in this together. Did you really forget?”

Reluctantly, Jaehyun pulls away to tip Taeyong’s chin so they look at each other. “If you forgot, it’s okay. I’ll remind you. I’m always here. Talk to me, cry to me. I won’t get tired of listening.”

Is it really okay? Will they really be okay? The guilt still prevails but Taeyong is so burnt out, he wants to break free from it. Will it be okay for him to move on? Will his baby forgive him for being careless? Will Jaehyun stay no matter how long the healing takes?

Taeyong grips his husband’s shirt, hot tears trickling down his face. “Please help me...”

If it’s help that Taeyong needs, Jaehyun will give it. He will give everything Taeyong asks, look for more if it runs out. But considering the love he has for this man in his arms? Jaehyun will spend an eternity giving his all.

The husbands sit there just silently comforting each other, oblivious to the pair of eyes watching them from a distance. Minhyung tip-toes back in his room and puts the book back in the shelf before sliding under the covers. He can ask his parents to read him a bedtime story tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, or whenever they can. They have all the time in the world anyway. But his parents? They need each other right now and it’s okay. Minhyung can wait.

As long as his family becomes happy again.

Determined to set things right again, the couple signs up for counseling. They understand that this will be a gradual process as grief takes time.

They attend several sessions within the month of Taeyong’s leave from work. While Taeyong and Jaehyun are out, Minhyung stays with the grandparents again. The elder Lees and Jeongs are glad for this improvement and sincerely wish that the sadness will be over soon. And Taeyong’s parents are certain that their son is strong enough to survive it. They relate to Taeyong’s loss, after all. And they are happy now, even though there’s still a twinge of ache from the loss of their daughter. It’s normal, and they know that Taeyong will feel the same.

It’s not easy for Taeyong. He wants to move on but at the same time he hangs on to that connection – of being a parent biologically speaking – although the physical evidences are slowly fading away. Though it hurts, he talks about everything that will help Jaehyun and himself fully understand that what they’re going through is normal and that their feelings are valid.

Taeyong mentions the daily experience of waking up and remembering that he isn’t pregnant anymore, that there’s no baby to wear the clothes they bought. Jaehyun talks about the occasional self-blame that maybe there’s something wrong with his genes that contributed to their loss, even after the doctor said it’s highly unlikely.

They learn and keep in mind that moving on cannot be rushed, and it’s perfectly fine to go about their days sad and stuck to the remnants of hope for the child they didn’t get to know. It’s all sorts of difficult to sit through sessions and swallow unpleasant pills but they are encouraged to let it all out, through ways they are comfortable with. Few times Taeyong sheds tears and Jaehyun’s eyes sting. Seeing a professional awakens them to how low their relationship has been plummeting. Shame and blame have been driving them apart as a couple and as a family. Taeyong takes note of it because Jaehyun, not to mention Minhyung, deserves appreciation for offering support however they can, however small or big.

_Go out and look for activities that will take your mind off of grief, only spend time with people who understand your situation, be kind to yourself, your partner, your family, and always remember that it gets easier as time goes by. It will not stay this way forever. There will come a day that you will look back and think yes, you survived it._

It’s a slow, but effective healing process. Taeyong goes back to work and resumes his schedule after getting an approval from the doctor. He makes it clear – as kindly as he can – on the first day of coming back to the university that he wishes not to discuss anything about _the event_ and would like to keep it private. It isn’t really a difficult request for his colleagues are very understanding and the only one that would probably do the opposite for her lack of common sense is currently suspended until a proper hearing takes place. The administration couldn’t decide without Taeyong’s presence and now, he’s ready to remind Ms. Gong how dismaying of a human being she is. 

Then perhaps he’ll forgive her because it’s a part of moving on. He will not truly break free from the chains of grief if he cannot be at peace with every single thing that is making it difficult.

At last, it’s the day of the much-awaited talent competition. As it is a school-wide contest and each class of every grade level has a representative, the family of three prepares early in the morning for the long hours of watching kids showcase their talents.

Jaehyun is acting like he’s the one presenting on stage in front of a huge crowd as he frantically checks himself on the full-length mirror in their bedroom. “Do I look good?” He asks his husband and son who are sat side by side in bed, watching him quizzically.

“What do you wanna look so good for? We’re going to sit with the rest of the parents. There will probably be a hundred pairs or so at the venue ‘cause you know, even parents of non-contestants wanna see what’s up and they will all be busy watching their kids. No one is going to look at you.”

“You wound me, Yong.”

“No,” Taeyong says as he stands and picks up the paper bag of tiny props that he and Jaehyun made together for Minhyung’s performance. “You wound _me._ Are you making me jealous?” He teasingly asks his now wide-eyed husband before offering his free hand for a giggly Minhyung to take.

Jaehyun sputters for a second, face red from embarrassment while following his favorite duo out. “I’m not making you jealous! I wanna look good so everyone who’ll look at you and make the mistake of thinking they’d have a chance with you will back the hell off as soon as they see me! And think wow, a beautiful man will really only fall for an equally gorgeous man.”

Both Taeyong and Minhyung snort – in unison, even – at Jaehyun’s self-flattery which propels the latter to enumerate his self-proclaimed best qualities.

They’re already locking the door when Taeyong says he forgot to bring a hankie. He quickly goes back inside and takes the first handkerchief on top of the pile in the closet. That’s when he sees something poking out of the slit in the back.

Taeyong tugs it out and looks at the wool brooch for a moment as his heart accelerates. There’s a mix of emotions unfurling within him the longer he stares at it. Jaehyun probably missed it when he transferred everything in the storage room.

Curling his fingers around it, Taeyong heads to where the other items are kept and slips the brooch inside one of the plastic bags before tying the handles into a knot so that no speck of dust will touch it.

It’s been a while since the last time he’s been here. When he has to use the cleaning supplies, he asks Jaehyun to get them for him because he cannot bring himself to step in this place. It stung back then and it stings until now, but like what they’re always told in the counseling sessions, it lessens. The pain is bearable. Taeyong doesn’t cry every night anymore. He still avoids looking at the tiny urn but each day he challenges himself to do it. Today, he feels a little brave.

He leaves that place in the humble house, and as he crosses the living room to get to the door where his husband and son are waiting, Taeyong glances at the ceramic vessel enclosing the remains of his _almost_.

His heart skips a beat. Today seems to be brighter than yesterday.

The school gymnasium is packed and abuzz with enthusiasm from parents, teachers, and students as the program starts. Preschool level competition is the first to happen after the opening ceremony and Taeyong is glad he doesn’t have to wait that long to see his son. Minhyung will be allowed to join them in the audience to watch the others until it’s time to announce the winners for each grade level.

He and Jaehyun genuinely enjoy the other children’s performances but when one of the emcees calls for Minhyung to represent his class, Jaehyun shoots out of his seat to shamelessly tell everybody _that’s my son on the stage and he will kick everyone’s ass_ , Taeyong has to tug him down by the back of his dress shirt in humiliation.

Nope. As much as Jaehyun looks ravishing today with his amazing outfit and slicked-back hair, Taeyong doesn’t want these people to know they’re together. As long as there are parents giving them the stink eye.

Quietness envelopes the venue as Minhyung begins reciting and acting out his poem. Every word that the microphone catches is magnified by the speakers and moves Taeyong. He couldn’t help his son memorize the rest of the stanzas but obviously, Jaehyun did his best to fill in for Taeyong. Minhyung’s diction, his inflection and raw emotions are making the poem more emotional.

It’s a simple piece about a family’s cohesiveness, their love for each other shown in more ways than one, how the family must sticker together through joy and sorrow.

When Minhyung takes a bow, Taeyong claps the loudest among the crowd. Words can’t give justice to how proud he is at his son. Minhyung grew up so well, and Taeyong feels so lucky to be able to take care of their sweet angel.

Minhyung sits with them during the other grade level competitions. It’s four hours of talent showcase and intermission numbers later when emcees finally announce respective winners.

Once again, Taeyong hangs his head low in shame when Jaehyun channels his inner most embarrassing father of the year when Minhyung wins the kindergarten level.

“You’re gonna get socked in the jaw if you continue to howl.”

Jaehyun sits back down with a splitting grin and half-heartedly apologizes to the others, interlocking their fingers as the emcee hands the microphone to Minhyung.

“Um, hello, I’m Minhyungie.” Little Minhyung’s bashful greeting earns him coos at his cuteness. He clutches the medal and scans the crowd for his parents, grinning when he spots them. “I don’t know what to say but teacher Hwang said I should say something.” He pouts at the female emcee and pauses for a moment as he thinks of what to say, before meeting his parents’ gaze once more. “Dada Jae, Papa Yong, thank you for helping me. Sorry for when I couldn’t remember what to say and what to do when we practiced. Since I already won, can we please go to the aquarium later?”

The boy scrunches his nose in confusion when people chuckle at him. “Aaand, I forgot to say thank you to Papa Yong because I got to recite a really nice poem. It’s about me and you and Dada, right? Like that papa in the poem, you’ll always take care of me. And I’m happy because you love Minhyungie.”

Taeyong purses his lips and keeps his glassy eyes at his son.

“I love you Papa Yong. And Dada Jae. Thank you for loving Minhyungie!” Ending his impromptu speech, Minhyung is then assisted off the stage and wastes no time to rush towards his parents wearing the most radiant smile on his face.

As he scoops his precious son in his arms, Taeyong presses kisses all over his pudgy, blushy face.

“I’m sorry, baby…”

Taeyong says his long overdue apology through a whisper after a kiss on Minhyung’s cheek. The little boy gazes between him and Jaehyun, sparkling eyes both excited and curious.

“That night. Papa made you cry, remember?”

Oh, how vividly Minhyung remembers it. He cried so hard because he was so sad. But his Papa and Dada were sadder that night, and he doesn’t care about it anymore.

He stares at his papa for a few seconds before hugging him, burying his face on Taeyong’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Not papa’s fault…”

Taeyong holds his son tight as he looks at Jaehyun. Should they…? He deserves to know, doesn’t he? And she deserves to be recognized. She carried him after all, it was her warmth that he craved during his first cry, but unfortunately couldn’t give.

She has waited long enough. Perhaps, Taeyong can finally introduce Minhyung to the first person that ever loved him.

Instead of the aquarium, Taeyong and Jaehyun bring Minhyung to the former’s parents. The elder Lees are surprised to have them, congratulating Minhyung for a job well done. Even Ruby can’t contain her happiness from seeing them as she barks repeatedly, patting Minhyung’s legs with her paws.

“You should’ve called! Are your parents coming over too, Jaehyun? We didn’t prepare a party–”

“Mom, can I please have the family’s photo album?”

“What for?”

Taeyong glances briefly at Minhyung. “I’m gonna show him how pretty Taehee was.”

His parents exchange a look, before Taeyong’s mother tearily disappears somewhere. She returns soon enough carrying what her son asked for, and hands it to Taeyong.

Sitting Minhyung between him and Jaehyun on the couch, Taeyong hugs the photo album as he looks at the clueless boy. “Baby, you know that no matter what, me and Dada are your parents and we love you, right?”

Minhyung eagerly nods.

“You’re still a baby and you might not fully understand it yet, but…”

Jaehyun beckons him to continue with an encouraging nod.

“Papa Yong couldn’t get pregnant. When you were born, something happened and you were given to us. That day you became Papa and Dada’s baby.”

Confusion creases Minhyung’s brows as he looks at his parents, grandma and grandpa. “But papa, how did I come here if you didn’t get pregnant? Babies should grow in someone’s tummy, right?”

Taeyong nods and opens the photo album to a page full of his sister’s pictures. “Sometimes, babies get more parents than the ones that gave birth to them. And this beautiful woman here?” He slides to photo album to Minhyung and points at one of the pictures where Taehee smiles the widest. “She was the one that carried you in her tummy for 9 months, baby. This is Taehee. She’s my sister.”

“My aunt?”

“No, baby,” Taeyong says as Ruby leaps to his lap, asking to be petted. She curls sleepily under his gentle rubs. “She’s your mama.”

It’s all so puzzling. Minhyung’s young mind struggles to process the information as he takes the photo album from his papa and stares at the woman in the pictures. His papa’s right, though. She’s really pretty.

“Where is she?”

“She’s not here anymore. She’s already in heaven.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Minhyung continues to stare at the pictures, tracing the woman’s smiles with his finger. She gave birth to him? She’s in heaven now? Then he was given to Papa Yong and Dada Jae?

His little heart races the longer he looks. Minhyung wants to know what happened to the pretty lady but he supposes he’s already heard too much and he might not understand it anymore if he asks his papa again. Maybe when he grows older and gets smarter, he’ll ask about her.

For now, it’s enough to know that she’s a very important person to him.

Minhyung splays his fingers on the page, murmuring.

“Mama’s so pretty…”

Mornings start to look lighter and brighter from thereon. There is still that lingering sadness but Taeyong and Jaehyun have learned to embrace it as a part of them. It will never leave, but it will not break them anymore. As a matter of fact, it reminds Taeyong everyday of how beautiful his family is, to appreciate his husband and son in all ways possible. Love comes in so many forms. He, together with Jaehyun, ensures it will always be present in their home.

Putting their focus on what’s there rather than what’s not helps them cope and heal continuously. They flourish in both personal and professional lives. It’s easy getting back to their routine at home as though nothing happened. The games have become more fun, louder and livelier. Movie nights are spent with the three of them huddled in a fort that Jaehyun assembles using blankets, chairs and pillows. Fairy lights coil both inside and outside the fort. Weekends are about family dates like before.

In between plenty of up days are some down ones when Taeyong needs to cry. Jaehyun is always there to catch him when he falls. Cuddle him ‘til he’s ready to put a smile on.

Taeyong is strong. Emotionally, physically, mentally. He’s getting so much better as each day goes by but Jaehyun’s efforts to take care of him even though he can do things perfectly fine is always welcome. He appreciates every little thing Jaehyun does for him…

…Especially when he’s woken up by a nasty nausea six months later, and if Jaehyun wasn’t there to hold him, Taeyong would probably already dunk his head in the toilet from how much he’s vomiting.

No, he doesn’t have the flu. He doesn’t have a fever. No coughs, nothing that says he’s got symptoms of a bug. He just caught a whiff of the chicken Jaehyun is frying for breakfast.

What arouses a clash of hope _and_ slight fear in them is when Taeyong pees for the third time in just 40 minutes. Who the hell even pees so frequently, suffers morning sickness just because their favorite food suddenly smelled so nasty?

And Taeyong craves sour gummies right after breakfast.

Scared but hopeful they head to the hospital for Taeyong to be tested. Somehow the symptoms abruptly hit him all the same time while they wait to get called in the doctor’s office for the results three days later. He’s moody, his head hurts, and he wants to fucking pee again when he just peed 15 minutes ago.

Taeyong is tugging Jaehyun by the ear when they enter the office. Why wouldn’t he get pissed? His husband just ate the last sour gummy worm, for Christ’s sake. He was saving it!

Minhyung sighs with the doctor, the same one that confirmed Taeyong’s first pregnancy and is now going to confirm a new one.

No one bats an eye anymore when Jaehyun passes out after they are told that Taeyong is 4 weeks pregnant. Highly emotional due to the good news, Taeyong cries to Minhyung as Jaehyun lies pathetically unconscious on the floor.

It’s the poor doctor that wakes Jaehyun – thankfully with just a slight shaking. Knowing how the first pregnancy ended, he strictly advises the husbands to attend regular check-ups, to be even more careful this time because Taeyong is older and it is highly likely to get even more sensitive.

“I’m not scaring you, but I want you to be careful. There’s no harm in seeing a doctor to ask if this is normal, if you should be feeling whatever you’re feeling. Don’t just rely on books because pregnancy experiences vary. What one feels may not be felt by you. Like how you didn’t have morning sickness before but you’re having it now. Even if it’s probably normal, as long as you’re using the word _probably_ when wondering if you should be experience whatever you’re experiencing, see a doctor.”

The test result crumples within Taeyong’s iron grip. He will be extra careful from now on. Even if they think he’s being paranoid, that he’s overreacting. If the doctor advices he takes a break from work, he will do it. Better safe than sorry.

He looks at the crumpled paper. The word **POSITIVE** written in big, bold letters glare at him intimidatingly. Not gonna lie, Taeyong is terrified. He wants to keep this. He wants to keep this so, so bad.

Let him properly make it up to his _almost_ by successfully going through this one.

“Hello? Do you hear me? Yoohoo, baby Haru?” Jaehyun sweetly talks to Taeyong’s round stomach as reruns of Mr. Bean the animated series play on tv. It’s a little past 1 in the afternoon and they just finished having lunch.

A highly pleased Taeyong, now in his 8th month of pregnancy, chuckles as his husband fake cries when Haru doesn’t kick again. Jaehyun always wants to see it when she does and he just missed the last one because he was too engrossed with watching Mr. Bean. No, they’re not watching it for Minhyung. Their son is yet to be home from primary school. They are just watching the classic cartoon because for some reason, Haru gets more active when Mr. Bean’s garbled murmurs resonate in the house. Could it be that she recognizes a cartoon character’s voice too?

Taeyong laughs at the thought. “Just wait. She’s going to move around again in a few minutes.” He massages the back of Jaehyun’s neck as his husband peppers kisses all over his swollen belly. Being in the last trimester of pregnancy, his daughter’s sleeping room gets even more cramped. Each kick and nudge feel like a punch in the gut. Taeyong doesn’t hate it. In fact, he _loves_ it. His baby is _there,_ ready to come out next month.

Jaehyun rolls up Taeyong’s shirt so he will see it clearly when she moves. And right as he bunches Taeyong’s shirt in his hand, Haru’s little foot pushes against Taeyong’s belly. Jaehyun coos at the sight of her footprint as Taeyong winces from that one particular hard kick.

“Why don’t you take a picture? It lasts longer. Plus you’ll have a new one to look at when you’re at work.”

“Maybe later. I wanna see it up close right now.”

“Hmm…” If extreme fondness has a symbol, it’d be hearts forming in Taeyong’s eyes as he watches Jaehyun whisper sweet nothings to their daughter. “She moves more often when you’re at work, though.”

“Really…?” Jaehyun asks dumbfoundedly.

“Of course not, stupid.”

“Then why did you say that?”

Taeyong rolls down his shirt and tugs Jaehyun up to peck his lips. “Maybe I get bored at home when Minhyung leaves for school and I miss you.”

“…Can we still make love when your stomach is this big?”

The pregnant man shoves Jaehyun’s face. “Stop being so horny.”

His husband has the audacity to smirk while draping an around him. “Can’t blame me. You’re sexier like this.” Jaehyun licks his lips as indecent thoughts fill his head. “How long should I wait before we can do it again after you give birth?”

“Shut up. We won’t even get to take a rest for a while and you know that.”

Jaehyun pouts. He takes Taeyong’s hand and kisses the back of it. “Okay. I’m a very patient man anyway.”

“Patient, my ass.” Taeyong makes face. “You touch me almost every night.”

“Hey, don’t pin this all on me. You’re so horny all the time that my wrist feels like it’s going to snap from how frequent I stro–”

Panicking, Taeyong slaps a hand over Jaehyun’s mouth. The furious blush on his cheeks confirm Jaehyun’s accusation. “It’s because I’m pregnant!”

Jaehyun licks the other’s palm, causing Taeyong to withdraw it with a shriek of disgust. “It’s okay, Yong. You don’t need to be shy.” His brows wiggle teasingly. “You’ll get more soon.”

Even though pissed, Taeyong can’t help but snuggle close to nuzzle his face onto Jaehyun’s neck. He misses his husband all the time. The farther along his pregnancy gets, the clingier he becomes. They can’t cuddle properly because his stomach is so big. He wants to hug Jaehyun too but they can only spoon for now.

Well, Taeyong can’t really complain. This will probably the last time he’ll be this round so he has to savor it until it’s over. He has all the time to cuddle with Jaehyun once Haru is out but he only has one month left to feel the inexplicable joy that pregnancy brings.

God, he’s so happy. No words can encapsulate his delight, excitement, and love for Haru. She’s not even born yet and Taeyong is already head-over-heels for her.

Her crib is already set up in their room. As Taeyong is currently on break from teaching, they moved the desk out to make a lot of space for Haru’s crib. Her clothes are back in the closet, bath essentials in the bathroom. It already feels like she’s there.

Just a month more and she will officially join the family.

Taeyong emits a happy sigh. He can’t wait to see her.

To celebrate Haru turning a month old, Jaehyun and Taeyong organize a simple party at home. Invited are their parents, some relatives, and a few close colleagues. That being said, there aren’t many attendees since Jaehyun and Taeyong still want to make this as intimate as possible.

The highlight of the day is watching a short video of Taeyong holding Haru for the first time. He was awake during the whole procedure, only numb from the waist down under regional anesthesia. Haru’s deafening cries echo from the video and when Taeyong peeks at his parents, he sees them shedding tears as well.

He was overwhelmed but he didn’t cry when they finally took her out of him. Taeyong simply held her close and let her listen to his drumming heartbeat while talking to her so she could pick up his voice and easily recognize him.

Jaehyun definitely cried while filming that, though. And Minhyung didn’t pass up on the opportunity to tease the hell out of his Dada because of it.

Despite specifically asking everyone not to bring gifts, some of them still did. Mrs. Jang got Haru a cozy blanket. Johnny seemed like he had fun shopping soft animal toys, while Yuta and Doyoung got them an Infant-to-Toddler rocker.

It doesn’t come as a surprise when Taeyong and Doyoung instantly click, with the former asking tips in taking better care of newborn babies. Doyoung appears to be more prepared than expected for such conversation (he must have been anticipating it, considering he brought a journal to lend Taeyong) as he eagerly pulls Taeyong aside so they can talk in peace, away from their loud husbands.

The party doesn’t last for long. Three hours later, their house is quiet once again. Jaehyun finishes cleaning up in the kitchen with Minhyung’s help as Taeyong cradles a sleeping Haru on the couch, gently rocking her.

Taeyong hums a made-up song for her. Her eyes flutter for a moment before shutting once again as she falls back to sleep, mitten-covered hands patting her own face. She drools a bit and Taeyong quickly wipes the sides of her mouth with a soft towel.

“Did she burp already?” Jaehyun asks as he and Minhyung sit down on either side of Taeyong.

“Mm, right after she fed.”

Minhyung holds on to Taeyong’s shoulder as he scoots even closer, wanting to get a better look at his baby sister. “Was I like this too when I was a baby?”

A smile blooms on Jaehyun’s face, remembering the times he carried a newborn Minhyung. Was it really that long ago? “Yes, and you threw up on me a lot.”

The boy’s face crumples. “Really, Dada? Sorry.”

“Don’t be. All babies do that and it’s normal. Their tummies are getting used to digesting food.”

“It’s your turn to change her nappies tonight, by the way.”

Jaehyun scratches his head as he looks at Taeyong, sighing. “When will she stop pooping at night?”

“Soon, I guess. She’s already a month old so she will start pooping more often in the day. Why,” Taeyong gives his husband a side-long glance. “You don’t wanna?”

“It’s not that. But her poop stinks so bad–”

“She’s formula-fed, Jaehyun. Her poop will smell worse than breastfed babies.”

Well, generally speaking, poops smell bad so there’s really nothing Jaehyun can do about it. “Okay, okay. You can sleep as much as you want tonight. I’ll do it all.”

Grinning triumphantly, Taeyong asks his two best boys to give him a kiss on the cheeks. A chuckle escapes as Jaehyun and Minhyung do it simultaneously, not stopping with just one as they pepper his face with kisses.

Taeyong finally tells them to get off him so he can cradle Haru properly, and suggests putting on a movie instead.

As Jaehyun flips through Netflix recommendations, Taeyong is reminded of a relative’s comment earlier when he looks at the little urn next to their family photo.

_Haru is indeed a blessing. She’s such a beautiful baby girl. I’m glad your family is so much happier now with her arrival, Taeyong. You waited over a decade to have your own baby! But better late than never, right?_

He appreciates their concern but Taeyong begs to differ. It took a while to get pregnant ~~successfully~~ , though he was never late as a parent. He had Minhyung 5 years into the marriage. It took a little longer than expected but Minhyung was never late. He actually came when they least expected him. He was the first blessing to Jaehyun and Taeyong.

So no, Taeyong and Jaehyun were never late from having their own baby. They’ve been good parents for the past 6 years.

_You’re watching us from up there, right? Wish for your siblings’ good health, will you?_

Taeyong wishes he could’ve been a good parent to their _almost._ There are so many _could’ves_ , _should’ves_ , _would’ves_ that didn’t happen. Although one thing’s for sure.

They will be the best parents to Minhyung and Haru for a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please leave a comment!


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